A Search for (My) Life

Home, Away, Home

2006-04-26T10:03:00.000-07:00

Back home in Louisville, Kentucky and I'm struggling to understand the differences between my life as of this morning, and the one I led 24 hours ago. How can so much change so quickly? I often think that the culture shock of returning to your home country is much more than when you visit others. I always expect other countries to be different, and so when they are, I'm not surprised. However, I expect my home to be the same as I remember it, yet I'm always surprised. It may not have changed, but I certainly have.
The last few days in Niteroi were spectacular. The Churrasco was a roaring success, over 80 people came, and it went from 2am until 5am the next morning. Rodrigo and I had planned to start it early so it would end early and we could go fishing with his cousins the next morning, but as it turned out, we just pulled an all nighter and went straight from the churrasco to his cousin's house. Fishing was fantastic, as I set a record of number of fish caught. This was easy, since I'd never caught one before. :) That night, I put off sleep again and went out to Castelaria, where there was a live Samba band and I got to try out my Brazilian dance steps once again. My last two days were a mix of meeting friends and dancing. I made it one more time to Queen Pizza, Forro (live music and dancing, basically the brazilian version of Salsa) and then my favorite lanchonete (fruit and snack bar)... As had become a ritual for Debora and I on Sunday nights.
It was sad to wake up on Monday, knowing it was my last day... but this time leaving Brazil is different. Brazil, and particularly, my life in Niteroi, has become a part of me. I know I'll be back soon. I went to visit the Creche one more time to say goodbye to all the kids and the teachers. They were so appreciative of my time there, and gave me a bracelet and shirt to take back with me and remember them by. I'm so lucky to be caught between such great situations. I couldn't have asked for a better experience in Brazil, and yet I'm incredibly excited to come back and get to work with my friends, excited to create a life that as yet doesn't exist, and a life that has no infrastructure, and therefore, no limitations.

Last Weekend and Rodrigo's Birthday

2006-04-20T15:58:00.000-07:00

I'm already in a state of semi-shock that I will soon be leaving what has become a very comfortable environment. I'm also shocked every time I look in the mirror, because I now have no hair. Yesterday was Rodrigo's birthday and we started it off at midnight by shaving my head (I asked him what he wanted for a gift, and that's what he wanted), and then going out for drinks. The day was relaxed, we had amazing food for lunch, as always, and I went out with Raquel to buy supplies for the Creche. The kids there eat all three meals at the daycare itself, and therefore brush their teeth there as well. However, the toothbrushes, soap, toothpaste and towels (for baths) come from home, and as you might guess, most of the kids don't bring anything. I went to Sam's club and picked up about 50-60 of each item (yes, they have Sam's club here, can you believe it?)... I dropped the stuff off today, and will be giving a short lesson on how to brush your teeth on Monday, before I leave. It's quite sad, I did a quick study of the kids mouths a few weeks ago, and they look like the horror photos that used to be in the waiting room of the dentists office when I was younger. One of my favorite authors, Malcolm Gladwell wrote a great article on the failure of the health care system in the US, and wrote about the worst problem for the uninsured: bad teeth. A few dental supplies certainly won't fix everything, but I think these kids are in a really sad situation if all for the lack of a 25-cent toothbrush.
Last night Rodrigo and I went out with a bunch of his guy friends to have a chopp (tap beer). Nights with these guys are always memorable, and of course last night was no exception. We are having a huge churrasco tomorrow, because today is Rodrigo Sally's birthday, and I'm leaving on Monday, so we've combined and invited everyone. I started making a list of people I wanted to invite a few days ago, and it came to over 60 people. This has been an incredible experience because of these people. I will not return home the same person that I was when I arrived. Thanks so much to:
Padilha, Sally, Jessica, Bruna, Binho, Natalia, Daniel, Bilau, Bidu, Erica, Andre, Tainah, Stella, Chico, Paula, Flavia, Colonese, Juquinha, Bruno, Gugu, Andre, Sandro, Bruninho, Patricia, Priscilla, Gabriela, Andre, Nicolas, Manu, Mari, Deborah, Roberta, Katarine, Natalia, Dani, Marcia, Luciana, Leandro, Leo, Rafael, Marcel, Thiago, Sara, Suelen, Manu, Rogerio, Steve, Arthur, Felippe, Vinicius, Fabi, Marina, Ana Paula, Juliana, Deborah, Joana, Livia, Pamella, Maria, Raquel, Fernanda, Thiago, Sabrina... and this doesn't even count all the wonderful people I met while traveling, who can't make it because they don't live in Niteroi.

Marina's Birthday

2006-04-14T23:34:00.000-07:00

My friends here are absolutely dying to see photos of Marina's Birthday party from yesterday, and after spending the last three days hanging out with them, I owe them at least that. Today was spent at the beach with Felippe (one of the guys I met on the way to the Jack Johnson concert) and his friends... We later went to Fabio's house, then to see some live music, and ended the night in São Francisco.
I was out with the same group last night before Marina's party, which was a fantastic time. Her beautiful house in São Francisco was filled with food, drinks and a bunch of my new friends. I still find it a bit incredible that I happened upon this group on the way to the Jack concert, but then, I should be accustomed to Brazilian warmth and hospitality by now, right?

And finally, here's a link to the pictures...

Easter Festivities

2006-04-13T12:15:00.000-07:00

Last night I went into São Franciso, which is the beach on the other side of the hill, about a mile from where I live. I had plans to meet a group of friends for drinks, and the friends I met at the Jack Johnson concert were celebrating a birthday at a nearby bar.
As usual, plans were quite hazy, so I picked up a taxi and arrived in São Francisco alone. I've become quite confident in moving around and going out alone over here, because it always seems to turn out so well. Last night I arrived and found that none of my friends had arrived in the first bar, so after wandering around, I happened to find my friend Luciana from Salvador out in front of another bar. I chatted with her, but she was just leaving (my night started just before midnight) and as she left, I found Ana, a friend from the Jack Johnson concert, and I followed her into another bar where everyone was gathering for Marina's birthday. Cool. Later that night, I met up with my other friends 100 meters down the road at Queen Pizza, and met yet another group I knew. So in all total, I arrived alone, had plans with 2 groups of friends, after being in this country for 3 months I ended up meeting 4 groups of friends, and came home at 5am. Oof. What a life!

I spent nearly all of yesterday at the Creche, as it was their Easter party, so I arrived early and pre-made a bunch of balloons, and then stayed late to enjoy the cake and face painting. I have been waiting for this Easter party for a while, and I think I was at least as excited as any of the kids. I now know almost all of the kids and their personalities, and I can't walk in the street without kids running after me to ask for balloons. The other day I actually visited the other Creche, on a whim, and was invited to their Easter party, next week. I only have about 10 days left here, but Rodrigo's birthday is coming up, and I'm making plans to have one last party with all my friends here before I leave, so it's sure to be memorable.

A Concert Here and There

2006-04-09T13:57:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been filled with music, as the last two nights I've attended concerts in Rio. Last night I went to a Jack Johnson concert, which was fantastic. He is incredibly popular here (I used to own a community on Orkut devoted to him, with 250,000 people... 90% Brazilian) and the concert was held in the same venue where I saw the Samba Parade of Champions after Carnaval. Jack's show was fantastic, as I always enjoy his laid back music, but even more memorable were the people I met. I had planned on going to the show with Deborah, but after a phone mix up at the last minute, I found myself alone at home without a ride to the concert or a ticket (Rodrigo and family had gone to a pre-wedding party that I had passed on because of the concert). I decided I wasn't going to spend my Saturday night in the house, so I left, and asked around I found the right bus to get on, and headed into Rio. On the bus, I started talking to the guys across the aisle, who were part of the big group sitting behind us. I met all of them and they took me in, helped me find a ticket, and I ended up spending the rest of the night with them. The warmth of Brazilians is unsurpassed. Later that night I was getting something to eat with some of my new friends, and I ran into Sally, Jessica, Natalia and Binho... who actually ended up knowing my new friends. Many thanks to Felipe, Arthur, Marina, Fabiana, Juliana, Ana and Deborah... you guys made my night!

Friday night I went to see O Rappa, a popular brazilian band with a reggae feel. The venue was fantastic... I had been there once before during my first trip here to see Geraldo Azevedo. The show started after 2am... which was pretty late in my opinion, but hey... it's Brazil. :) I went with Priscilla and some other friends who I have met through her. I've seen a crazy amount of live music since I've been here. :) There is a definite difference in the energy level at shows here compared to the US. I thoroughly enjoy it... and hope to bring a piece of it back with me.

More photos are here...

Almost Brazilian

2006-04-07T14:16:00.000-07:00

It's funny how accustomed I have become to life here. I recently went about trying to renew my visa, as the American tourist visa only lasts three months (not nearly long enough) before you have to renew it. You can do so for another three months, for a total of 6 months in Brazil per year.
The first step was to consult my trust Lonely Planet book, which said I could renew it at the Military Police station. Rodrigo and I tried to call, but got no answer. Thankfully we found their address on the web, so I took a bus to downtown Niteroi, bringing along money, my passport, entrance/exit card. I started this process a week early, because I just knew it wouldn't be an easy task. I arrived there, waited in line, and was told that I would need to go back, make my payment online, bring the receipt, along with a print out of my flight, a credit card and the other documents I already had. Cool.
What surprised me was that despite taking three hours out of my day to go get money, go downtown and return, I was completely unruffled by being turned down the first time. All I received for my efforts was a to-do list, which could easily have been posted online... or they could choose to answer the phone. Now, granted, visa applications in the US aren't always a smooth process either, but bureaucracy drives me crazy when I'm at home in the States. I expect all things to be quick, easy and efficient.
I returned home and found out that the government web site was nearly impossible to navigate, but after some searching, I realized I had misunderstood. I could not pay online, but could only put in my information, print out a form, which I then had to take to a bank in order to pay.
After doing all this, I went back downtown with all documents, filled out a few more forms, and returned home happily with my visa extension.
Yesterday, Rodrigo had to go to the police station to get some forms because his father had a bit of a car accident earlier this week. He was turned away because he was wearing sandals.
Rodrigo, being the exceedingly patient guy that he is, returned home, changed clothes and returned to the police station. He arrived at the window at 4:32, and was again turned down because the guy, despite being present at the window, said the place closed at 4:30.
Rodrigo finally returned this morning (dressed nicely) and was able to get his forms.
I could only laugh, but I'm glad that bureaucracy now only annoys me as much as it does other Brazilians.
Patience truly is a virtue.

Life Changing People

2006-04-02T08:22:00.000-07:00

I went to another churrasco last night... this one celebrating the birthday of my first Brazilian friend, Raquel. It's amazing to sit back and think about the influences in your life, and unconcciously both Raquel and I have had a great affect on each other.
I met Raquel three years ago during my first trip to Brazil. I spent my first 5 days in the hotel where she worked. Not speaking even a word of Portuguese, I was desperate to start somehow, so after wandering around aimlessly for a while, I resolved to sitting in the lobby of the hotel with my Portuguese book, trying to listen to her talk to the other receptionist, and look up the words I heard. This didn't work at all, but after a while, they were forced to stop ignoring me, and that's how we met. Raquel has since told me that she thought I was extremely strange, and that she wasn't sure what to think of me at first. Now if that was hesisitance on a Brazilian scale, I don't know what to think, because I went out with her and her friends a few times that same week, met Rodrigo (her boyfriend at the time) , and two weeks later I was at dinner with them for my birthday, and Clarice had made me a cake.
Since then, I recommended Raquel to my friend Steve, and she began working for him at Rio Holiday. Then she met Scott, and client from California, they started dating, she came to the US to visit... and now they are engaged and she has plans to move there.
Meanwhile, I left my job and chose to come back to Brazil primarily because of my amazing experience here, thanks to Rodrigo and Raquel. You never know the effect the next person you will meet will have on you, or vice versa.

*The picture above is of Raquel (second from left) and her friends, and the second is of my friend Deborah (who I met through Raquel my first night out 3 years ago, and now works for RioHoliday as well) and her sister Natalia.
**More pictures can be found here

Lessons in Hospitality

2006-03-31T07:02:00.000-08:00

I am constantly overcome with all that has come into my life while visiting this country. One of my treasured souvenirs that I hope to return home with is the sense of warmth and hospitality I've been shown by Rodrigo and his family. Since the day I arrived, they have stopped at nothing to make sure I am well fed, comfortable, and have everything I could want or need. When I had friends visit, they extended the same courtesy to them. If I had visited for a week, I think it would not have been as apparent, as it's easy to mold yourself around a visitor for a short amount of time. But I've been in and out of Rodrigo's house for going on 3 months now, and I know I will have a hard time returning the multitude of favors I've received. Most things I've been able to do while here are because of some contact of his. Now that Rodrigo has returned to studying for his law exam, I often go out with his friends. I mix in with them, and they accept me with no questions. The other night I came home late and we were up late recounting some family stories until I was literally rolling on the floor from laughing. I'm smiling just writing this sentence. I've never had a brother, but if I am so fortunate in another life... I hope it will be something similar.

The other night I went out for drinks because a friend of mine, Dani (who I met in the Salvador apartment during Carnaval) was having a birthday. I went into the night knowing 3-4 people, and came out with a multitude of new friends, and a number of invites to come to Rio Bonito... a town about an hour away. As evidenced by my ever expanding Orkut account (wildly popular here)... I am constantly meeting new people who invite me to new places.

This morning I spent learning how to cook some black bean and chicken dishes a la Clarice. Sigh... despite copious notes, I don't really have the confidence I can replicate her culinary works of art at home.

Life in Niteroi

2006-03-28T20:25:00.000-08:00

This photo is a good look at how I travel. Notice the tendency to pack more books, balloons and running shorts before making room for anything else. Sigh. At least it's in line with my priorities...
Today I had the good fortune to get in touch with two of my best friends back home. It was great to catch up, and I realized how lucky I am to be torn between my wonderful Brazilian surroundings and the excitement of what awaits me back home.
I'm relaxing into my normal life here... which includes some studying, planning running, working out, going out hanging out with friends, playing the guitar, talking in Portuguese... and recently learning to cook from Clarice. Weekends are a whole other matter.
Brandon said he might do the return trip from Louisville to Seattle with me... which would be stellar since he's always game for anything, and we could knock out some national parks along the way... Maybe even hit that coaster park in Cedar Point that I've had my eye on...
Meanwhile, I've been making it to the Creche (daycare in the favela) quite often. My perspective on life there changes every time I go. I'm now comfortable going on my own, which seems to surprise some people... but the kids recognize me in the street now and come running, which makes me feel at home.
The disparity between the options I have at hand back home, compared with the reality surrounding me at the Creche is shocking. The world is so unjust.

More pictures from the Creche (at the bottom)

Maracanã and around Niteroí

Visitors and a Witness

2006-03-23T19:31:00.000-08:00

Today ends a string of visitors, and tomorrow I will go back to a more tranquil Brazilian life here in Niteroi. Katie was here for three weeks and we fit quite a bit in, but managed to keep it decently low key so she could get a chance to see what my life is like over here. We fit in a few more churrascos before she left, along with a quick trip to Teresopolis, a game at Maracanã, a trip to Porcão (churrascaria) and a good bye lunch with all her new friends.

Katie enjoyed the National Park...
...I enjoyed the pool at her friend's massive house outside the park.

The same day that Katie left, Bijal and Kavita, some friends of my sister arrived. They were only here for two days, but we managed to fit in Pão de Açucar, Ipanema, Copacabana, Fortaleza de Santa Cruz, the Museum of Contemporary Art, and another game at Maracanã. Whew!
The Fort was amazing... the treatment of prisoners during war time was atrocious. They were put in prisons without light and air holes the size of straws... some prison cells were to small to stand, and after moving them to progressively smaller cells, they were hanged, but instead of the normal Hollywood version, were made to stand on a small pedestal in the sun until they fell off and hung themselves.

I've managed to set up regular voluntary work at the daycare in the favela near Rodrigo's house, so now that normal life will resume, I'm anxious to start there again. The kids are beautiful.

Unfortunately, last night, I had the unfortunate experience of witnessing a mugging right outside my friends' building. We were leaving at about 10pm to get some pizza down the street, and I heard a women shriek across the street. Three men were around her and I saw one pick up her cell phone and the others grabbed some shopping bags she was carrying. I must not quite be Brazilian yet, because my instincts caused me to turn toward her, while my friends took the opportunity to run. I took a step and was promptly yelled at by my friends, so I turned and caught up with them. We hurried into the pizza place and watched the men run off. I felt terribly bad for not helping, but everyone convinced me that there was nothing to be done... we weren't the only ones to witness the crime, and I guess everyone realizes it's just safer to leave the stuff and take off. I didn't see any guns, but in all probability they had a few. The lady mugged was not physically hurt in any way, she just lost some belongings. Sadly, it is almost certain the men live in the favela where I work (it's very close by). I've been there 4 times now, and I can almost understand their desperation. If there were not other honest hardworking people living in the same conditions, I could almost sympathize with them.

Here's a photo from the doorstep of my friends building. The lady was mugged near the white pole.

Churrascos

2006-03-14T20:06:00.000-08:00

Last weekend was marked with two parties, both churrascos in Steve's Mirante do Atlantico house near Itacoatiara beach. Friday night was mostly the friends I've met through Rodrigo, and we had Sally (Rodrigo as well, buy known by his last name... pronounced "Sah-lee") making his specialty on the grill.

The night included dancing, drinking and lots of grilled meat and cheese... so it was a typical brazilian party. (and a few balloons, by popular request).

Everyone enjoyed the amazing view from Steve's house, and a few used the pool. Again, if you ever come to Rio... stay in one of Steve's houses. If you're in a group, even better, you can't beat the price, or the experience of Brazil.

This is a shot that was ordered by skin color. Rodrigo was ecstatic to not be on the end.

Saturday night was a bit smaller, and a lot of the friends I met in Salvador during Carnaval came, and I got a look at a bunch of the pictures everyone had taken. Again, there was much dancing, meat and drinking, and as Katie would say "a good time was had by all."

On Monday, we took another trip into the favela near Rodrigo's house. After nearly two months of asking about voluntary work, I got through to the head lady of the daycare that sits atop of the Morro. It is paid for by the government, and provided free of charge for kids too young for school, who have working parents. We arrived a bit late, but made some balloons for kids eating lunch, and watched as the rest of the kids were put to sleep. It was adorable, and I was struck again by how similar kids are at that young age, no matter what the environmental conditions are. It's sad to think of the lack of options they will experience as they grow older. It's almost certain that some will turn to drugs and crime... at yet at the current time, they are as innocent as can be. I can't wait to go back. I'm going to look into what materials are most needed and then donate some money, if anyone reading this is interested in donating, please let me know.

More pictures from the churrasco.

More pictures from Morro do Cavalão.

Back in Rio

2006-03-08T09:11:00.000-08:00

Katie arrived last week, and we have been moving around a bit, exploring Rio. It's interesting to see it again through her eyes... I've almost forgotten what it's like to be here and not speak the language. My Portuguese has taken another jump, and I find myself understanding alot more in the last few days. Partly because I think I'm forced to really understand everything so I can translate.
We attended the Parade of Champions on Saturday, which is the best of the Samba parades in one night, the Saturday after Carnaval. It was beautifully extravagant, and a different energy than in Salvador. Carnaval in each city is very different, and I'm glad I got to experience a bit of Rio as well. I once again, must mention how well things work out for me over here, thanks to my amazing friends. We stayed at the Sheraton for the first two nights when Katie arrived, since I had free nights there through my credit card, and I wanted to stay in Rio for a while. While there, I asked the concierge about the Parade of Champions and I was quoted R$300 for nosebleed seats, meanwhile, a friend of mine picked up much better seats for me for R$85.
After wandering around Rio, then staying with Rodrigo's family for a bit, we are now staying in a beautiful house in São Francisco, owned by my friend Steve who runs a company called Rio Holiday. (www.rioholiday.com). If you ever come to this part of the planet, forget the Sheraton... stay in one of Steve's houses instead (see the view in the picture above). It's placed much better, is a much better deal, and gives a much more Brazilian experience. It's funny how different things seem when I'm hosting, compared to when I'm exploring them for myself. It really gives me a sense of feeling at home here.

Katie has started a blog as well, (under no influence of mine, I swear)... and she recently wrote about her first week here: www.theworldisyouroyster.blogspot.com

Here are pictures from her first week...

Last days of Carnaval in Salvador

2006-02-27T19:53:00.000-08:00

Saturday night I went to another bloco party, that lasted for a long time, and ended up with an additional 3km hike to find an unoccupied cab. We arrived home exhausted and happy... a state that was getting very familiar. The bloco was for Cocobambu, and I managed to snag a last minute deal on my abada for R$180. To be honest, I don't remember much specifically about the band... but the music was familiar, and we danced for hours on end. Many of the same songs are played in all the blocos (new songs each year, and almost all of axe music.) By Saturday, I knew most of the lyrics, (or more accurately, the sounds), and now that I'm back in Rio... hearing them is already nostalgic. The first attempted robbery occurred Saturday night... and to the largest (6'1" 240lbs?) member of our group. He was alone, outside the bloco, after accompanying some girls in the group to the bathrooms... someone cut him slightly on his left arm with an knife, and while he was distracted by this they cut his shorts twice, ripped the entire pocket out, and took off. (Luckly, we all carry our valuables in pouches in front, behind the beltbuckle.) Here is the result:

Sunday I woke up late, and went to find my friends who had just left for the paderia (bakery) for breakfast. I realized upon returning to the apartment, that the bloco for Sunday (at least the one my friends were attending) was in a different part of town. This was incredulous to me because it meant that the same madness I'd experienced with over a million people during the previous three days was happening in multiple locations around the city of Salvador. In fact, I later learned that the bloco for Sunday was Copo Grande, which was original: both bigger and longer! It started early, around 3 (no recovery time as I'd slept at 5 and woken at 11), and instead of 4 hours, it went on for 6, which meant we didn't get home until nearly midnight. Insane.
It's really tough to describe Carnaval, but last night after getting home from my last bloco I started to get that feeling you get when you are at the end of a great vacation. I know that I will return to Salvador at some point, but with the situation I was in, the atmosphere, the blocos, my 15 new friends in a small apartment... some things will be hard to repeat.

Two other things of note:

Sunday morning, I didn't find my friends for breakfast, but met another group of girls while waiting for my food, who invited me to join them, and later invited me to visit them in Sao Paulo. Later that day, I met some sisters during the bloco, who stayed with the group and invited me to visit them in Port Alegre. Meeting people in Brazil is exceptionally easy... I am constantly amazed. People are so quick to invite you to join them, doing whatever. I wish hospitality was like this in the US. My new friends from the apartment have invited me to go out with them in Rio (all live there or in Niteroi), and to use vacation houses in other parts of Brazil.
After getting back last night, I went out again, this time alone, to see some of the late night blocos. At 2am, some were just getting started, and I realized that there were many more than I had initially realized, and there were also many more variants in terms of pricing. The ones I saw late last night were much cheaper, which was evident from appearence of the people who had abadas and were inside the ropes. There seemed to be a gradation of blocos, and you buy the one you can afford, and therefore party with people in your socioeconomic class. The cheapest of course is to faz pipoca, which is to stay outside the bloco for free. I initially thought this to be a bit separatist... but then life is like that right? We buy houses in neighborhoods where we can afford them, and live amongst people in our socioeconomic class. The contrast was quite apparent in this situation though. The people on top of the trioelectricas (moving trucks with bands) were throwing free bandanas to the camorote who were watching from the rich hotels lining the street. If someone didn't catch it, it fell into the pipoca, where people were grabbing for what seemed like the scraps.

First set of Carnaval Pictures...

The World's Biggest Party

2006-02-25T11:19:00.000-08:00

Absolute craziness. I truly am at a loss for words to describe my last two days of Carnaval in Salvador. However, it's extremely unlike me to be at a loss for words, so let me give it a try.
It's a bit strange for me to start thinking again, because I don't think I've had a non-carnaval thought pass through my head in the last 48 hours. On Thursday night, I went to the Ivete Sangalo (very famous singer here) bloco party. My friends and I waited for nearly two hours for her to arrive, and got some close up pictures as she got on the van. Unfortunately, Evelyn lost her camera during the parade, so I hope mine turn out. The parade started at 6pm, and Ivete's trailer was about 4th or so, so we actually got going at 9 or so. It was craziness from the start. Everyone with an abadá (tshirt) moved into the roped off area around the trucks, which probably stretched for about 400 meters, and took up 90% of the street. Still, we were packed in a huge moving mosh pit, and everyone jumping and shouting and singing. I knew her music, thanks to a dvd and some cd's I listened to, and everyone else seemed to know every word too. What really made the difference was the temperment of the people... It was SO tight, but everyone was there to have a good time, and unlike the mosh pits at home, where some jackass is always starting a fight, this one was good natured. Outside the roped-off area is called the "Pipioca" or "popcorn" which consists of the poorer crowd. It was a little rougher on the outside, and there were quite a few fights, and a number of people being taken away by the police.
On the sides of the street were the "Camarote" which is another pay-to-enter option, where you watch all the parades go by from a safe distance. You can see the stands and verandas in the picture above.
A highlight of the night was when Ivete stopped in front of Oceania, a hotel with a rich Camorote, and started playing "Vertigo" by U2. After a few minutes, we realized that U2 was staying in Oceania, after their concert earlier this week in Sao Paulo... and Ivete and Bono sang back and forth for a few songs. Gilberto Gil was there too, and also chimed in (he's one of the nation's most popular singers, ... oh, and the Minister of Education). It was amazing... the best party I've been to, and U2 dropped in as well. The parade lasted for hours, and everyone was drinking and going wild the entire time.... there wasn't really the wax and wane of normal concerts. I was shielding Marcie and Evelyn from the herds of guys attempting to kiss them (no one asks questions, or listens to turn downs...). I all of a sudden became everyone's boyfriend of the moment, as it was the only excuse that worked. Sometimes I denied it, just to add some excitement. I also stopped a few times to make some balloons for some of the kids in the Pipioca.
Ivete's parade lasted until about 2:30am, at which point Evelyn and Marcie escaped to their hotel at the end of the route, and I had to make the 3+ miles trek back home, fighting the crowds of pipoca. Scary at first, but I got used to it. I have started to realize that with my build and skin color, other people are probably more scared of me than I am of them. You just have to keep an eye out to make sure you don't get caught inthe middle of a fight by mistake. Oh, and never look like you're lost, and always walk with confidence.
Yesterday, I tried to find a abadá for the bloco party my friends were going to, but was unsuccessful. However, the night was anything but lost. I pre-partied in the apartment, then joined the pipoca, dancing and going crazy on the other side of the rope. I finally stopped and made some balloon animals, which turned into a zoo, as usual, and I continued until I was out of balloons and my cheeks hurt. The kids were ecstatic, and I was invited back off the street to play around with them for a while. What started out as a silly hobby has really turned into an amazing asset when I'm traveling.
I was coming home, when I encountered Gilberto Gil's bloco, which is always free, so I joined that for a few hours... I finally made it home around midnight, and one of my friends was angry because everyone came home so early. (Their bloco started first, so went from 6-12pm) So a few of us washed up and then went out again. After much craziness we came home at around 4, and today I've been trying to nurse myself back to health.
I've also been told that the REAL carnaval starts today, Saturday,... so I bought another abadá for the bloco "Cocobambu", and everyone from my apartment is going. In fact... my açai is done, and it's about time to get ready...

Carnaval!

2006-02-23T09:50:00.000-08:00

So today is the first official day of Carnaval, and I'm in Salvador, Bahia. In the States, everyone thinks Rio is the capital of Carnaval, but that's only because few people know of many other cities in Brazil. Here, everyone knows that Salvador has the best Carnaval, and last night I got my first taste of it.
I'm staying really close to the action... in a small, 1 bathroom, 2 bedroom, 600 sq ft apartment with approximately 15 Brazilians. It's crazy to say the least. The number is approximate because new people seem to arrive every day, and others seem to disappear for hours/days. It's a scant existance, sleeping on the floor, everyone using one shower, etc... but no one seems to mind too much, as everyone is focused on the blocos... the main event here, that starts today.
These parties are moving block parties, centered around a huge oversized semi-trailer that has a popular band playing on it. The party moves for about 3 miles, over the course of 4 or 5 hours, and to get in to the roped off area around the trailer, you have to buy an abadá, or special shirt that acts as your ticket. They are extremely expensive, ranging from US$75 to US$500 for each party, which includes entrance and your drinks. They start at around 5pm, and the trail of blocos goes for miles, with the last one ending at around 8am the next morning. Today is Thursday, and the first day of the real craziness that will continue until next Tuesday. I purchased an abadá for today (they get more expensive as you get closer to Tuesday) and will likely buy a Cambarote for Saturday, which is another shirt for the parties along side the street, where you can view all the blocos as they go by.
Last night, I went to a show, which was kind of a preview of the bloco parties starting today... there were 4 bands that played on a trailer that moved around a ground that was packed with people. Everyone is going crazy, drinking, jumping, dancing and trying to kiss each other. It's truly like nothing I've ever seen. I was there for about 6 hours, at which point my feet felt like they were going to come off. I had almost 2 hours of sleep the night before... because with 15 people and everyone arriving, you can't really sleep until everyone decides it's time... which is okay with me, since it's more exciting to stay awake. :) We woke up just after 8am to go to a shopping center where the parking lot had turned into a huge black market for trading abadás. The abadás sell out immediately, almost a year in advance, and then can only be traded for and bought on the black market. In a country where a normal wage is $300-800 Reais per month, it's crazy to see people spend $600 R for one day. People save all year for this, and today is like the uncorking of all that bottled up excitement...

I have some new photos online...
Engagement party and wedding of Filipe (1 week ago), a friend of Rodrigos:
Part of my trip to Espirito Santos, on the way to Salvador (Evelyn's camera)

Traveling again

2006-02-19T06:30:00.000-08:00

So I'm on my way to Salvador to experience the craziness that is Carnaval in Brazil. My friend Evelyn is traveling with me, and once again, I am amazed by the hospitality in this country. For the last three nights, we've been in Vitoria, which is in the state of Esprito Santos above Rio and below Bahia. We have stayed in a beautiful house close to the beach, the home of the Sergio, who is the brother of a friend of Evelyn's back in the states. We showed up without ever having met Sergio or his mother before, but were welcomed like old friends. We've been going out every night with some other friends of mine that live here. The connection to them is as follows. Two years ago, during my last trip to Brasil, I met a girl during a bus ride into the city... Her twin sister teaches at a university in Niteroi, and about a month ago, introduced me to some of her students, who now live in Niteroi for school. They have holidays now, as it's summer here, and invited me to visit them in their hometown... Vitoria.
Our first night here we went to a school of Samba, which has a party every weekend in the months preceding carnaval. The school practices for the parade, and rather than waste good music, they turn it into a huge party. My Samba steps need some serious work.

Life after Microsoft: Resources

2006-02-08T17:09:00.000-08:00

On the subject of my life after I return, I've had some thoughts about where I want this blog to go. I started it a year ago, to record any substantial ideas I was having, in hopes of creating some timeless content (as opposed to the recent posts about my travels). I haven't done anything to advertise the site, and until recently, very few people knew about it (and even fewer read it.) I'm considering posting more, and documenting more about my endeavors outside the stability of an wage. I believe a vast majority of corporate workers in the United States would love to leave their jobs to "do what they love," but many don't do it because of the fear of instability. I don't pretend to have all the answers, in fact, it's the opposite. But I am 'lucky' to not be risk-averse, and I am committed to making my career out of something I enjoy doing.

My current ideas and resources:

Public Speaking: I believe I have an aptitude for this, as unpolished and untrained as it might be. I also enjoy doing it, especially when I choose all the material. I plan on starting my career as a professional speaker with talks on Improving your Memory. I've been interested in this topic for nearly 10 years now, and I'm currently honing my own techniques, and will be refining a presentation which I've given at a few public schools in the past year.

Balloon Twisting: I learned to twist balloons during college, and volunteered with kids in the surrounding areas. Since then, I've raised money for charity by busking, volunteered with other charity organizations, and recently I took a few paying gigs at parties. Twisting balloons is obviously not the typical career path following Microsoft, but it pays well, is fun and easy, has very low overhead and flexible hours, and therefore, I plan on using it to pay some bills while I work on other endeavors.

HyperZen Think Tank: Just over two years ago, I had the idea to semi-formalize the conversations about business ideas that my friends and I were constantly having. We started meeting every week to discuss ideas and career moves, and since then have come up with some interesting ideas for entrepreneurial endeavors, in a number of fields. This is a huge resource, as I consider this group to be highly talented, and while business ideas are a dime a dozen, the fact that we formed a group is unique. Outside of the above attempts at making some money, I will spend the majority of my time working on projects associated with this group.

Sales position: I believe that the ability to sell is extremely important in any career. Or at least, the ones I will consider. In the very least, you are always selling yourself. If the above ideas are not enough, and I need a more formal job for some reason (like health insurance)... I will look for a sales position. I would consider it a great learning experience, and would keep the job as long as needed, while I continue to work on the above endeavors.

Visiting the Other Side

2006-02-06T08:49:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I visited a favela (slum). I am lucky to have met Rodrigo... as everything I want to do, he happens to know someone who can help. We've been working out in the evenings at the park near his house, and I met Jefferson, a friend of Rodrigo's a few times. Jefferson is a charming guy from the moment you meet him. He has one of those quick smiles that spreads through his face, that makes you want to smile at whatever he's talking about, even if you don't understand. I trusted him immediately.
Jefferson works at a grocery store restocking goods, and because of the low wages (about US$200 a month) for such work, he lives in a favela with his wife. He's intelligent, honest, and obviously hardworking. From what I understand, he had worked for 6 years with American Airlines, but was laid off a while back. He was all too happy to take Rodrigo and I into the favela and show us around. It is known to be slightly less dangerous than others in the surrounding area because after it's drug lord was killed a few years back by the police, they set up a small police station at the top of the hill.
I think Jefferson understood why I wanted to see the favela... out of curiosity, if nothing else. I felt safe walking around with him. Between him and Rodrigo, we met tons of people they knew. I am continually impressed with how Rodrigo knows people in every walk of life here. Not very common, from what I can gather.
We entered the favela (situated on a hillside, with perhaps the best views of Niteroi I've seen as yet) and walked up a maze of haphazard staircases, with the open sewers right alongside. At the top of the hill, were a few open stands that sold food/snacks and beer, and seemed to be a general meeting place. It was insanely hot after walking up the stairs so we sat down and Jefferson brought us beer.
I've seen many slums before, on my trips to India, but I've never entered one. These were better off than the slums I've seen in India... the housing seemed more permanent and was constructed better, from what I remember. However, this experience was distinctly different for me because I could understand the language. In India, I think I always felt a separation from the slums because I viewed from a passing car, on the way home to my family's comfortable housing. These were the same people that I passed on the street, the same people I was working out with. These were the same people I was scared of when walking around along at night. Rodrigo pointed out one man nearby with blue shorts on, who used to play soccer with him. A year ago Rodrigo was about to be robbed on the street when the guy with blue shorts recognized him, and stopped his friends. "No, not this one."
We spent a few hours at the top, drinking beer (which I might add, Jefferson insisted on paying for... another reminder that generosity is a trait independent of others), watching the soccer game, and at the request of Jefferson, I made balloons for a few kids. This soon turned the place into a zoo, as word spread and more and more kids showed up. Meanwhile, the guys around were betting beers on who could blow up a balloon, but no one succeeded. :)
We then walked around, and visited Jefferson's house, which he had constructed by hand three years ago. Two rooms, and a bedroom on top, a small grill and water tank around the back. It was surprisingly normal inside.
The whole experience was quite shocking. The difference between my life and his seems so arbitrary. Even the difference between his family and one of similar status back home makes my jaw drop. Jefferson laid the foundation, and constructed the whole house. Right down to laying the tile. In the States, with similar skill one could easily earn enough to support a family.
In comparison to the kids running around the favela, my life would look like the set of a Hollywood movie. In fact, I'm sure these kids have had exposure to my life, through television and movies. I wonder if they disassociate from it in the same way that I do when I finish an article about the 1000's that died yesterday in (insert 3rd world country) and then go back to my bowl of cereal.
Until I learned about the changes Mohammed Yunus initiated with Grameen Bank, I used to look at situations like yesterday's and shake my head with despair. But Dr. Yunus's work with micro credit has bordered on magical over the last 30 years. There is a solution to the problems with drugs, violence and poverty in this country. In my short time here, I hope I can gain a further understanding of the problems. In the very least, I will endeavor to return with renewed appreciation for the cards I have been dealt.
More pictures from this trip are here.

Life after Microsoft: Money

2006-02-03T19:09:00.000-08:00

On the subject of my life after I return, I've had some thoughts about where I want this blog to go. I started it nearly a year ago, to record any substantial ideas I was having, in hopes of creating some timeless content (as opposed to the recent posts about my travels). I haven't done anything to advertise the site, and until recently, very few people knew about it (and even fewer read it.) I'm considering posting more, and documenting more about my endeavors outside the stability of an wage. I believe a vast majority of corporate workers in the United States would love to leave their jobs to "do what they love," but most don't do it because of the fear of instability. I don't pretend to have all the answers, in fact, just the opposite. But I am 'lucky' enough not be risk-averse, and I am committed to making my career out of something I enjoy doing. I think the lack of answers (and therefore advice) might be what makes documenting my endeavors publicly interesting.

Going from a stable wage to wage-less makes you contemplate your priorities on how to spend money. Obviously, I have no trouble spending some on travel. :) Here's my 30-second take on money:

Save for the future, but don't obsess over it. Concentrate on earning for the future by investing in myself. At this point, I believe my earning growth potential is much greater than the market growth potential.
Spend as little as possible on myself, without sacrificing health or happiness. (Thankfully, I don't get a thrill from shopping.)
Spend on experiences and learning, but much less on things, unless it is a tool for the former.
No matter what my income, I always have money for friend and family related expenses.

About My Time in Brazil

2006-02-02T19:47:00.000-08:00

If you've read any of my previous posts, you may know that a few months ago, I left the high salary and stability of my job at Microsoft, and took off for Brazil. I'll be returning to Seattle before the first half of the year is up, and I have plans to NOT look for a job. At least not in the traditional sense. My goals of coming to Brazil were as follows (in no particular order):

Improve my Portuguese (I had skeletal knowledge from my previous trip here, two years ago)
See my Brazilian friends again, and see a bit more of a beautiful country, but live like a Brazilian, instead of a tourist. (as much as possible... I've been traveling with Brazilians thus far)
Spend time away from my life in the States, do some heavy thinking about what I want, and spend time designing my plan for how I'll get it.
Spend time on some of my hobbies like playing the guitar and working on my memory.
Look for Volunteer opportunities and spend some time volunteering with kids.

So far, things have been going well. I spent the first week partying, the next two weeks traveling (which also gave me time to do some thinking/planning), and now I'm back, working on the rest of the above goals.

I have had some time to think of my life back home, and I'm starting to appreciate the unique opportunity in front of me. I feel a bit like a guinea pig among my friends. I left my job to make a career doing something I enjoy. I don't think I've figured out what my purpose is yet in life, but I do know I wasn't going to find it in my job at Microsoft. On that basis, I left.

So far, the most fantastic thing about not having a job is how free I feel. I feel I have the opportunity to do absolutely anything. And for the first time, it will be without any expectations of where I "should be." I believe that I'm at the end of a period in my life where I was influenced heavily by the expectations of others. A period that I think is ending at the right time... neither too early, nor too late.

Now that I'm freeing myself of others expectations, I'm just need to figure out what my own are.

How to Define American

2006-02-01T14:59:00.000-08:00

I was sitting at lunch today and showing Rodrigo and his sister Erica pictures from my going away party in Seattle. They were asking about my friends back home in the States, and I said something to the effect of "This guy is Chinese, she's Venezuelan, he's Indian..." etc, and they were confused a bit. I soon realized that in this country, whether the person has a Japanese, Chinese, African, or European origin, everyone is described as Brazilian. We talked briefly about how stupid they thought it was that we have distinctions such as "African-American" or any other conglomeration of nationalities. Now, this country is not devoid of racism, as you won't see a proportionate number of dark skinned people in elected positions, but I thought their view was extremely interesting.
On the plane ride here, I read a 50 page summary of the history of Brazil, and they have a similar history in terms of bringing slaves from Africa. However, there historically has been a lot more mixing of races here, and therefore there are Brazilians that would easily pass as Caucasian, and those who would easily pass as African-American... and a rough guess would be that the majority are some blend in between.
No wonder Brazilians are good looking. Everyone knows mixed kids are hot. :)

Buses and Weather

2006-01-28T11:55:00.000-08:00

After two weeks of straight travel through the state of Bahia, I am back in my friend Rodrigo's house in Niteroi, and am enjoying the comforts of my Brazilian home. I think I can only travel (site see) for so long before I want a break in the action. I'm planning on taking it easy for a few weeks here, before heading back to Salvador for Carnaval. This trip is about more than sightseeing, and I plan on doing some thinking about my life when I return to the United States. I'm also looking into volunteering at a cancer hospital for children in Rio.
Meanwhile, the last few days haven't been without excitement. Port Seguro was neat in its own way, but after the tranquil style of Icaraiva, it was a bit too busy and touristy for me. I met another North American on my way there, a guy from Vancouver, and he was quite eager to talk in English, as he didn't speak Portuguese. I obliged, of course, but after a few moments I immediately felt out of place. It was as if the Brazilian veil I hide under was taken off and I could feel people looking at me as I carried on in my foreign tongue. Now, I'm the first to admit that people know I'm American with my heavy accent in Portuguese, but without speaking, I pass as Brazilian very easily, and it's been a fantastic help when trying to blend in. Speaking in English immediately took me out of it and I really felt more like a foreigner.
The bus ride home was my first time alone in a while, as my friends had booked a flight earlier. I was happy to meet some other Brazilians who I could understand, more or less, and I made friends quickly. However, after paying extra for the bus with air conditioning, I woke up at 6am (it was an overnight trip) to find myself alot hotter and stickier than one might expect with air conditioning. I soon learned that the air conditioner had broken, and to make matters worse, on buses with air conditioning, only the small windows in the front and back of the bus open. So the next few hours were highly uncomfortable, as the sun came up and turned our vehicle into a nice little oven. It was over 90 degrees when I arrived in Niteroi, and as you could guess, even hotter on the bus. Oof.
Anyhow, yesterday night I was happy to be back in an air conditioned room for the first time in a few weeks... It's a good thing I arrived in the morning, because without much warning, there was a torrential downpour for an hour or so, and by 10pm last night, the city of Niteroi (and Rio too, I presume) had flooded with about 3 ft of water. The photo above is from Rodrigo's 10th floor apartment, for your amusement. Thankfully, Niteroi is on the beach, so it drained after a few hours, but we had our own little Katrina situation, as cars and belongings were floating down the street. The excitement never ends... :)

Old Friends with Everyday Strangers

2006-01-25T12:51:00.000-08:00

I've noticed that people treat strangers differently over here. It's not so much in the people you walk past on the street (although if you catch eyes with another guy, a thumbs up is always exchanged), but more with people you interact with for a few moments. I've seen the difference with waiters, hotel owners, taxi cab drivers, even ferry boat drivers.
The friends I am traveling with are extremely friendly, and always ready to talk, so they may be an extreme example of this, but on a milder scale I think there is a difference here in general.
It's evident in what they say, and the tone of voice. They treat these new entrants in their lives like old friends.
One of my friend was sick yesterday, and a local nurse came to the hotel room to help out with an IV. Patricia greeted the nurse by name, and said "Oh, Joanna, can you believe this situation?" The response and following conversation was so casual and informal. It was as if the nurse was immediately part of a community, or family.
I've already bought some souvenirs to take home with me from my trip, but above all things, I hope I can take home this culture of familiarity.

Fitting In

2006-01-23T20:43:00.000-08:00

I've been very go-with-the-flow during my travels in the last few weeks. I've found that having less expectations of what I want to see and do, makes traveling with my friends so much easier. If it's time to eat, then it's time to eat... and I don't put in as much input into what or where. It helps be less intrusive, as I've piggy-backed on a trip with a group of friends. It also lets me experience life their way, instead of trying to mold it to become more familiar to me. I think this 'letting go' is good for me, and a healthy break from my usual mentality.

Dreams of Dancing

2006-01-22T12:08:00.000-08:00

Last night was my first night in Icaraíva, which is a small village on the east coast of Brasil, north of Rio. It is set between a river and the ocean, and has a some Pousadas (accomodations), a lot of mosquitos, dancing and no electricity.
When the sun set, and the only lights were from a few places with generators, a small band set up on the river bank, and I went to listen to them play. It was a 'Pagote' band, made up of 5 guys, and candlelight. The music was similar to Samba, but a local version. As far as I could tell, it was all locals, most of whom were drinking beer and dancing. I sat back and was watching one little girl in particular. The younger kids were up near the 'stage,' and this girl was dancing up a storm. Her feet moved much faster than I could count the beat, and while watching her move instinctively, my American brain immediately started wondering about her life here. What is life like, when a night like this one is normal? What would happen if she was picked up and given my life when I was 9? Elementary schools with large gymnasiums glossy floors. Where would she dance? Her enthusiasm and spirit that she had in the moment couldn't be contained in a dance class. My western life would probably scare her. The change would be too much, and she would long for nights of dancing barefoot in the sand, to candlelight.
How lucky am I to be able to see and appreciate both worlds?
I continued to imagine her life switched with mine. Her days of jumping in the river and laying at the beach would be replaced by clean, chlorinated neighborhood pools, and metal playgrounds at the park. Sand covered feet would be scrubbed clean, and covered in white sneakers.
I am lucky. But my life is not for everyone.

-Some of these posts are transcribed from my written journal as many places don't have internet access.

Three Days in Itacaré

2006-01-21T03:35:00.002-08:00

So we seem to be in search of the perfect beach. I don´t really understand it, but my friends want to see every beach, and aren´t satisfied until we´ve visited them all. We spend a lot of time hiking and walking between them, and talking about which one was better than the other. It's like the distinction between fine wines. They all seem pretty perfect to me, although some are less inhabited, which I like. I also like ones with shade. I'm bordering on black lately.
Anyhow, today someone attempted to rob me. I got home to our campsite to find the lock on my tent had been forced and broken, but the stupid thief was lazy or something and didn't actually get it to open. I guess he didn't want to hurt the tent either, because he could have just cut it open. Luckily, I keep all my valuables with me, so no worries. Everyone thinks it's because someone noticed I was a gringo, and saw dollar signs.
I uploaded loads of photos today, only a fraction of what was taken, but they have captions on most. Thanks much to Fil Fortes, for sponsoring my Flickr account.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/craigdos/sets/72057594051414227/

Yes, I realize that I don´t have a shirt on in most of the photos... it's hot as hell over here, and I'm half naked or 95% of the day. Besides, the Brazilians are far from conservative.

Things That Scare Me in Brazil

2006-01-19T14:33:00.000-08:00

Wild Animals - I had my first viewing of a wild animal during one of my runs here. I had just returned from a day trip, and it was dusk... I was staying with friends on a remote peninsula on the east coast of Brazil, south of Salvador (Barre Grande). I went for a quick run, and was on a dirt road with foliage on both sides, and heard a rustling to my left. Now, I would love to make up something about it being a big jungle cat or something, but its possible it was just a dog. It was getting dark, and I didn´t have my glasses on. It was about the size of a medium size dog, and it looked at me for a second, then dove back into the thick brush. From my viewpoint, it didn´t move like a dog, and I hadn´t seen any other stray dogs that ran away from humans. Anyhow, it didn´t have to be anything scary... I was in the middle of Brazil, running alone on a dirt "road" without much light. Anything larger than a rat would have scared the daylights out of me. For a second, the macho side of me came out , and I tried to not be notice my flight or fight response, but then I thought "What the hell am I trying to prove?" and I turned around and ran home faster than I came. God bless legspeed.
The View of America - I was comparing cuisines with my brazilian friends yesterday, and they were convinced that Americans were fat because of all the bacon and eggs that we eat every morning. I can´t remember the last time I ate bacon and eggs for breakfast, but they don´t take my word because I´m a "fake" American... in their words: I look Brazilian, have "dos Santos" for a last name, am nice (Americans seem standoff-ish in this physical culture), and am skinny. Anyhow, the point is that they think everyone eats bacon, everyday. Why? Because that what is shown in all the movies. As warped as this might be, its scary to think of what the world´s view of the US consists of. After all, who doesn´t think of lions, zebras and giraffes when I say Africa? If the rest of the world is getting their view of the US from pop culture,... no wonder Americans aren´t looked fondly upon. Imagine what other misconceptions they must have? Our pop culture (sometimes in its worst form) is so pervasive.
Luiz - My friends and I were staying at a simple "pousada" which is basically a room, and breakfast in the morning. I had a single bed underneath a window. I kept the window open (it wasn´t so much a window, as a part of the wall on hinges) because I wanted the breeze during the night (no air conditioning, but we were on the beach, so the breeze was plentiful). The room was standalone, so at ground level, and I knew anyone could easily hop in through the window if they wanted, but we were in a remote area, so I had gone to sleep without worries. Anyhow, at first, I woke up because my friend Priscilla was up. I sat up to attention when I saw a silhouette in the window near the sink, and was about to leap out of bed when I noticed it was her. I calmed my thumping heart, and went back to bed. When I woke again, a large hand had reached in the window and was about a foot from my head. I looked up and saw a large black man looking back at me. Again I leapt to attention, this time fully up in my bed. I scared him a bit, because he backed of and said "It´s going to rain, it´s going to rain." It was Luiz, the general manager of sorts, who was trying to close my window before I got wet. After deciphering his portuguese, I raised my hand in understanding, closed the window, and tried to get a few more winks in. Sigh.
The Showers - So anyhow, besides Luiz, views of America or wild animals, the thing that scares me the most in Brazil is the showers. Depending on where you are, sometimes there is hot water and sometimes there is not. Even in the nicest places, I have not found central hot water, but instead there is an electric apparatus that is part of your showerhead that heats the water. There are three settings for heat and a switch to choose. The first time I tried to change the temperature, I didn´t understand the words, so I was trying all the settings. Every time I switched it, I could see a flash of charge behind the plastic of the showerhead. A bit alarming, but hey, no harm, no foul. Recently, in one of the pousadas, I tried the same endeavor, as I like cold showers in this hot climate. This time I got a slight buzzing sensation, which turned into a stronger sensation, then pain. I got quite a shock before I realized what was happening. I looked at the shower head, and there were all kinds of wires hanging out (no plastic sheath on some of them). Holy smokes! I talked with my friends today, who laughed heartily at my stupid gringo ways. Apparently every brazilian knows not to touch the shower head after you are wet. I didn´t see any such directions, and at the normal 240V that they have here, wet or not, I´ll be letting the person in front of me decide my water temperature from now on.

I love this country. Pictures to come.

Thoughts from Morro de Sao Paulo

2006-01-15T15:16:00.000-08:00

Latin cultures seem to mix well. We met Italians and Spaniards on a boat trip today, and everyone understood each other, mostly, and got along really well.
We were taking off from one stop, and there was a fishing boat with 4 small boys in it. The boat was essentially a carved out log, that sat really low in the water. The boys were paddling with a plank of wood. In front of me a huge speed boat pulled up, probably 35 ft or so... The contrast struck me so suddenly. The speedboat seemed so out of place in this huge river, amongst the fisherman and the small boys. Interesting though... the boys didn´t seem to be having any less fun than the kids in the boat. They were a lot more lively, in fact.
If woman wears a bikini that covers more than a third of your butt, you are immedietely noticed as an outsider. And your suit? "Very ugly"
Places to visit seem to be judged by the number of beaches.

Leaving Rio

2006-01-13T20:19:00.000-08:00

Rodrigo finally got me to shave my head. Actually, we just buzzed it. And to be honest, I was all for shaving it once we started, but he said this would look better. So far, its cooler, no sunburn, and easy to keep up. I´ve even been getting good comments, so I´m all for it.
I´ve been with my friend Priscilla for about two hours now, and it´s about three hours til we have to leave for the airport. No sleep for me... :) I can already glimpse at the frustration and how much I´ll improve, as Priscilla cuts me no breaks and speaks only rapid Portuguese. All explanations in Portuguese too... She studies in English sometimes, as her field is Neurobiology, and its hard to get all books in Portuguese... but she I don´t think she likes to speak.
She helped me cut down my bags from like 10 shirts to 5, and we took out a bunch of other stuff I didn´t need. She is the packing champ, since she´s only taking 5 kilos, and I´m taking about 12 or so. But I´m also leaving for 3 times as long... so there.
It was kind of sad leaving Rodrigo´s house, though I know I´ll be back. His family was so nice to me, I can´t quite explain. I was immedietely treated as one of the family. I hope I can duplicate the same hospitality in my house one day.
I´m also a bit nervous about the trip. It´s my first time outside Rio, my Portuguese will really be tested, and I just found out the North is actually just as dangerous as Rio, which is the opposite as to what I had thought. I´ve been living in Niteroi, outside Rio, which is "mais tranquila" or safer. So I´m going to keep both eyes open at all times. Thankfully, I´ll be with Brasileiras for the first two weeks.
Also, it´s going to be hotter, although I´m not quite sure how that is possible. And our plans of camping have me a bit timid, as I´ve been able to escape to air conditioned rooms until now.
I´ll be offline for a while, I think, but I will hopefully keep my thoughts on paper, and transcribe later. Até logo.

Almost a Week... A quick recap.

2006-01-11T18:12:00.000-08:00

My host family is amazing. There are so many things to get used to, and they are making it so easy.

Food. Lunch over here is by far the biggest meal of the day. Everyone sits down to lunch and the food and conversation is non-stop. Dinner, is much less of an affair. Most times it's squeezed in between the beach and going out somewhere, so you grab whatever is around or fix something up quickly. I'm enjoying the food immensely, as Rodrigo's mom is a fantastic cook. Black beans and rice are a staple, along with a meat dish are normal. Salad and Farofa (a type of flour cooked with butter, I think) are sometimes present. Fresh squeezed juice (lemonade, mango, orange, and other fruits that don't exist in US supermarkets) and dessert are a constant. Yum.

Parties. Of course, my first week here is somewhat atypical (I think). Rodrigo is on vacation from studying for his test to become a judge. (Get this... people study for years for this test, just to get into the school. You pretty much have to know everything to get in, and then once you're in, you're kind of ushered through.) So the days have mostly consisted of the beach and going out. Tonight is my first night in, because I chose to go to dinner with some other friends, and skipped out on the ''show'' or concert. I think I've been averaging sleeping at about 5 or so. Average. It's a good thing I'm not an 8-hour or else type of person, because Brazilians don't seem to run out of energy during vacation. Relationships. Men here are distinctly different here in their relationships with each other. I like it. There is much more camaraderie. They are more physical, which I think is healthy. An embrace or pat on the chest is normal when you greet someone (for women, it's always kisses on each cheek). I went to a churrasco, or barbecue for a friend's birthday, and upon meeting Rodrigo's friends, was immediately invited to soccer games, carnaval, and general nighttime activities... I noticed with groups of people talking, and when dancing, people didn't really couple off, despite the party being mostly couples. It was more the guys all dancing in a big group and yelling, singing and dumping beer on whoever ended up in the middle. The girls had their own groups, which were less rowdy.

Beach. The Rio "Carioca" culture of the beach is something I'm getting used to. I've darkened quite a few shades already, and I'm sure it's just the beginning. My family is not really the tanning type, for obvious reasons, so I've never been used to just lying on the beach. People here love it. And the beaches are beautiful. You go there to meet friends, to hang out, to have something to eat. Sometimes you take a dip in the water, sometimes you don't. In the US, it's popular to read or listen to music. I haven't seen much of that here. People juggle soccer balls like hacky sacks, or play this racquetball game that is much harder than it looks. Mostly, they sit and talk. I've been bringing my Portuguese textbook. After a while, my head is spinning from trying to follow the conversation, and it's easier to read. Obviously, I definitely haven't gotten rid of the "I need to do something productive" mentality yet.
Running. Well, so far it's been less than fantastic, as I'm living in a city. I have to leave the apartment, and fight traffic, run a half mile through a tunnel before getting to the beach. Thankfully, it's easy to run at the beach. The first day, I took a longer route and fought with cars and sidewalks that seemed to end whenever they felt like it. The first day, I argued with Rodrigo and his mother before leaving, as they're not really used to someone going running. I was forced to carry money and their address, which I guess was not a bad idea. Now they've gotten a bit more used to it, but I swear I turn down food at least a dozen times before I can get out the door in the morning. The heat is something to get used to. Luckily, the bedrooms are air conditioned (although not all the time), because coming back from a run in the hot Brazilian sun (there is very little shade at the beach) and riding in an elevator smaller than most closets is quite a feat.
Water. I'm quite used to not drinking from faucets in other countries, so that hasn't bothered me much, but I am fighting to get remember to drink enough liquid, as I'm losing it all day. It doesn't help that cups here are only slightly larger than shot glasses. :) I guess we live in the world of large things in the US. Supersize me please.

Quiet time

2006-01-10T07:33:00.000-08:00

There is a silence that only comes when you are surrounded by people speaking another language. It comes when you know you won't hear your mother tongue, and you tune out the voices around you. I was thinking about this yesterday, when I was in the middle of a group of friends, and I got mentally exhausted of trying to understand, and I tuned out. It's strange to be surrounded by so much sound, but for it to feel so quiet. In English speaking areas, words pop out that interrupt my own thoughts, but here, so far, I can tune out without that happening too often. I'm sure it will go away, as I've been here three days, and I can now have full conversations with Rodrigo's mom, who doesn't speak a word of English. We get stuck every other sentence, but I can explain it (usually) in Portuguese, and she can do the same. This morning was really the first time it happened, as we were alone. Most times, Rodrigo can explain, as he has studied English for some time now.

I like it... this quietness. It's a bit like what I feel when I'm running. But I'll be happy to exchange it for being able to completely follow conversations.

Lessons in Patience

2006-01-07T14:31:00.000-08:00

I have been in Brazil for a little over 24 hours, and so far, there have been many lessons in patience. I got off the plane in Sao Paulo, and the instructions by the flight attendants were a bit unclear, but I understood that I needed to get my baggage to go through customs. First, my bags didn't come, and then I was told that the only exception to the customs rule is for passengers going to Rio, and so my baggage was going straight there. Then I was directed up an escalator and out some doors, which put me out of the security area, and I had to pay the airport tax ($36) to get back in to the international terminals. Upon hearing this, the righteous American in me rose up in my chest and I started to voice my displeasure. Then I realized that it's only in the US that we have this righteous idea of how things should be (or else!). The lady helping me was kind, and seemed pleased that there was a solution at all. I paid, and was on my way, though it took 45 minutes for me to stop lamenting about it in my head. Something tells me the lessons in patience are going to cost me more than $36 before this trip is over.
When I arrived in Rio, I spent nearly 2 hours dragging my bags around Terminal 1, because I my Brazilian friend was mistakenly waiting in Terminal 2. The sad truth was that in emergency situations (I forgot his telephone number), my Portuguese didn't carry me too far.
Since being here, my head has been spinning with the rapid Portuguese that surrounds me. Living with a family makes a big difference because I am talking and listening all the time. I know I will improve, as I can feel it already... but I want to understand everything now. I am not the same person here, because I can't make jokes, and I certainly don't understand many of the ones told. Patience.

In other news, I was out til 5 am yesterday, at a concert of Barão Vermelho. Oh, and it was at the top of Pao de Ascucar (Sugar Loaf)... the picture at the top. After the concert there was more music, which turned the place into a nightclub. There were also these huge pillows set up, where people could lay down. Most people live with their parents, so I think the culture is much more catered to couples being outside the house. Today, I was at the beach, turned several shades darker, and have plans for a churrasco (barbecue) for a friends birthday tonight. This country is magical.

On My Way

2006-01-06T00:52:00.000-08:00

On the plane to Sao Paulo. The Portuguese on the plane, which includes the conversations around me, as well as all the instructions from the air hostess, are entirely too fast for me. I wonder if that will change by the time I get home. Right now I can only get bits and pieces and words at the end of the sentence when they slow down. I love the way it sounds though. Vaguely familiar.
I finally got rid of my nervousness. I'm a bit anxious now, but only with the excitement of arriving. I was nervous all yesterday and today. I think it was mostly on account of my relationship with my girlfriend, rather than the trip itself. Am I leaving at the wrong time? Am I going to mess something up that is not easily repairable? I talked with her from Dallas, and everything seemed better after that.
There are so many more barriers to leaving your life behind to travel than you would think. It's incredible how they continue to creep up. But I'm determined to do this.
I finished transferring all the ideas from my index cards during the past year into my journal this morning. I wanted to take everything I could from those cards with me to Brazil. I'm not sure why, but I’m sure a reason will present itself. After all, this trip is largely about self reflection, and so are those cards. The beautiful part of removing yourself from life at home, is the objectiveness from which you can view all that you left behind. I am always more in touch with myself when I'm abroad.

Getting Ready to Leave

2006-01-02T14:59:00.000-08:00

It hasn't really hit yet. I expected it to, but it hasn't. In three days, I'll be leaving the US for Brazil, not to return for another 4 months. I started packing today, and for a moment, I got a surge of excitement, but for some reason, it was fleeting. I even talked to another friend in Brazil, who said her and her sister would be taking a vacation around the east coast of Brazil, and she invited me along. It sounds like I'll be doing some heavy duty planning as soon as I get there. Everyone asks what I'll be doing in Brazil, and I keep telling them the truth. It's really hard to plan volunteer opportunities from the US. I'm going to wait until I'm there to figure things out. It will also be a lot easier once I can get my Portuguese up to speed.
I've been through a lot in the last two months. Quitting my job, Moving out, Moving in to Brandon's place, the Cross Country Road Trip, Meeting Friends, Hanging out with Katie, saying goodbye to Katie, New Years in Toronto, and now I'm finally home, with 3 days to get ready for Brazil. My Portuguese is horrible. Talking to Priscilla on the phone was painful, as her English is rusty at best. She's getting her PhD, and has to write in English, but she never speaks it, and is better at writing.
I have a list of things to do, and people to call, before I leave, and plus, there are people here in Louisville that want to get together. Always things to do...

Moving On

2005-12-28T22:45:00.000-08:00

The second round of worries was the list of things that had to be done before I left. A short list was: Sell furniture, clean out college stuff, find out about 401K and Stock Options at work, figure out Health Insurance, Budget out the next year, buy tickets for Brazil, contact friends in Brazil, get shots for Brazil, go to all doctor, eye, and dentist appointments before insurance runs out... and of course, hand in my resignation, which was nerve wracking, as it was the point of no return. The list went on and on. There was so much to do, it was maddening. I didn't know what to do first, and the length of the list was stressing me out and making me nervous and ineffective.
In the end, due to increased dissatisfaction at work, I ended up quitting a few weeks before I had initially planned out, and spent the time at home, taking care of all these tasks. To further complicate things, I was splendidly distracted with a new girl I started dating. After over two years without any serious dating, I ended up falling for a girl two months before I was set to leave.
The last three weeks were a complete whirlwind and entirely exhausting, physically and emotionally. I was only leaving for a matter of months, but it felt much longer. I think it was because I was saying goodbye to one life in Seattle, and I knew it wouldn't be quite the same when I returned. For better or for worse. Moving is always much more work than you expect, and that was certainly the case. Plus, I had to move into Brandon's place, and pack for the road trip and Brazil.
All this put together was pretty taxing. My new relationship definitely complicated things, although I really wouldn't have it any other way. The last three days I was up well into the night, packing and unpacking, then packing again. It felt really good to finally get on the road, and have my stuff all sold or moved. I'm swearing to stop collecting junk, and stay lightweight for a while. We'll see how far that goes.

Leaning On the Support of Friends

2005-12-27T15:30:00.000-08:00

Through this whole ordeal of leaving my job to travel, talking to my friends helped a lot. Most of them still saw the romantic side of it, and it was helpful to hear their support. My family was, and has been supportive of well, but in a different way. They have been understanding of my dissatisfaction, and supportive of my ideas to leave. My friends were the ones who offered encouragement.
I started a business idea brainstorming group "Hyper-Zen" about two years ago. All the guys (10 in all) worked at the same company as I did, and we met once a week at my house to discuss ideas, have pizza, and just hang out. Over the course of the two years, nearly everyone has come to the same conclusion as I did... Some things were good about the job, but none were completely satisfied. I think I was the most acute case of dissatisfaction, and therefore I am the first to defect. The group was very supportive, and one of my best friends offered me a place at his house when I come back from my travels. So I took him up on it, and so the rent portion of my worries died down.
My plan slowly teased its way out. It started with a year of travel, to Brazil, Europe and Africa, and then no plans after that. Then I took out Africa. Despite family pressure to move back to the Midwest, eventually I decided to come back to Seattle for sure. All my friends are here, including future business partners, as well as all of my contacts. Then I went to a few travel presentations, and decided that Europe seemed pretty expensive, and I had less contacts there, so I cut that out too. I realized that since I was not looking for a 9 to 5 job when I return, there was no need to bunch up my trips into one long time period. I could return to Seattle, and take off again later in the year, hopefully this time with a friend. So finally I had a rough plan. Leave Seattle before the holidays, spend the holidays with family, take off for Brazil in January, take a break \ volunteer until April, at which point I return to spend another week at home with family, and then move back out to Seattle to explore entrepreneurial ventures. Then the second round of worries set in.

The End of One Life, The Start of Another

2005-12-27T15:07:00.000-08:00

This blog will gradually be changing over the next few months. This is as it should be, since it's a reflection of my life. I wrote my last post about leaving the comfort zone, and mentioned leaving my job. In truth, I've been thinking of leaving my job for a while. It's been almost a year since I decided for sure, however, since this blog is public, I haven't been free to write about it. Now that I've left my job, I'll give a quick run down of the process, and what my plans are now.

Leaving my job to go travel was at first a very romantic idea. When I talk with people now, and tell them of my plans, I see that same romantic look in their eyes. "Now's the time to do it" everyone says. But what they don't see, is the rest of the story. I decided to leave my job nearly a year ago... so for the first 6 months, I only saw the romantic side of it as well. It was so far off, that I didn't really have to do any planning, and therefore, the reality had not set in. As the time to leave came closer, I started to see the other side of things. I had paid off all my debts in the first year of working, and had saved a decent amount of money, but for the first time I started looking closer at my finances and wondering whether what I had would be enough. I've worked at a big corporation in a high-paying job, so until this point, I've never really had a budget. I try to be smart in my spending, and save everything left over. It helps to not have really expensive taste. So finances were the first worry. I did a few quick calculations and had a rough idea that I should be able to live in my current status for about a year or so. But more than doing anything about it, I just worried. Then I started thinking of all the expenses that I don't usually think about. Health insurance was a big one. It just got taken care of through my work, but without a job... it was a big question mark. Then there was dental insurance, car insurance and weird little expenses like gas money and cell phone bills. These were all things I didn't think much of when I had a vision of my future that always included an income.

Leaving the Comfort Zone

2005-10-31T14:38:00.000-08:00

When I was young, I had big dreams. I dreamt of being able to eat candy whenever I wanted. I dreamt of great sports moments. I dreamt of being famous. In general, more than any specific vision, I had a feeling of a general greatness that I wanted to achieve. So I listened to my parents. I studied hard, I practiced harder, and tried to follow the right path. Out of High School, I ended up with great opportunities, and went on to a great school, and continued on my journey there. I graduated two years ago, and today, I have a stable, and high paying job in a large corporation. It was a dream job for a broke college student, and has provided me with many opportunities... But I am very far from being satisfied. For the first time, I find myself in an endless situation. There really isn't a finish line when you start working... It's not a four-year stint like High School and College, where you know a change is coming. I could stay here quite easily, coming to work during the week, enjoying my free time on the weekends and that would be that. But I swear, this isn't what I dreamed of. My job is interesting, but I don't love it. It's a strange feeling to realize that after following an almost set path for so many years, you're not exactly where you expected to end up. On the other hand, this job provides me with stability... I have an income, health insurance and a lifestyle that is very comfortable. And besides, like 90% of people my age, I "don't know what I want to do." The easy option would be to stay until I figure that out. So I've decided to leave. I've recently come to the realization that nothing is quite as poisonous to your dreams as being content with your current situation. So I'm taking my discontent, and adding a bit of financial pressure. I figure, I'm a resourceful, hard working, smart person... So I'll bet on that. I also think that if I continue to hedge my bets and assume little risk... I'll never see what I can really do. I don't know what I really want,... only that my current situation is not it. I have ideas of qualities I want in my career: Autonomy, Financial stability, Influence. Today, my job only provides the financial aspect. Since deciding to leave, I've found that the romantic idea of leaving it all behind and traveling (my first line of business) quickly dissipates with the realities of life. I need health insurance, and the ability to pay for rent, food, and what ever else life throws at me. I've saved a decent amount, but the idea that my bank account will be slowly diminishing without a sure way to push it in the other direction, is unsettling. I never thought the golden handcuffs would get me, but I've totally fallen prey. It's really tough to step out of a comfortable situation, yet I know in my heart that the only way to distinguish myself is to step up, take the risk, and mitigate it by working hard and being smart.

Trust, Freedom and Relationships

2005-08-18T17:20:00.000-07:00

I consider myself a very trusting person. Not oblivious, but perhaps hopelessly optimistic. I mean this on a very basic level. When I leave my house to go running, I don't lock it. If I go jump in the lake, I'll ask the people I've never met before, who are sitting next to me, to watch my belongings. I try not to err on the side of being completely careless, but I try to count on the goodwill of humans. I think this is especially true of people I meet. Once I greet those people sitting next to me at the park, to me, they are no longer random, and I tend to trust them a lot more to watch my stuff. I feel that once you create that human connection, its less likely that someone will act maliciously toward you.

I think this phenomenon is easily pointed out when you are driving. If you try to merge over and need the people next to you to give you room... a blinker might not always do it. However, stick your hand out, wave, or catch eye contact with the person, and they are much more likely to let you in. I believe this is because its easier to be mean to an inanimate object than a human. The car is just a car, but when you add that human element, it becomes someones car.

Now, this trust comes at a price. Eventually, you may trust someone (or people in general) and you may be betrayed. It happens. Not all people are good. Some may say that being cautious seems like a better way to act, in order to protect yourself from betrayal, but when you start becoming less trusting, you begin to lose your personal freedoms.

When I don't lock my house, I have the freedom to go running without holding my keys. When I put down my coat in a bar, I risk someone taking it, but I am free to wander about without my coat. More importantly, I'm free to wander about without worrying about my coat. I believe that the mental freedom I get from being trusting, is worth the risk of being betrayed.

I should point out that my examples so far have been mostly centered around losing belongings (losing money)... and I'm willing to trade that. I'm a bit more conservative (but still quite trusting) when it comes to risking my health and safety. I believe you can't become overly cautious or you'll never leave your house. However, when it comes to safety, I am also aware that as a 6'2'', athletic male, I have less to worry about than a single, smaller female.

I think the inconveniences you put up with to protect yourself from people who might betray that trust (rob or harm you) are generally quite small (lock your house, keep your stuff with you, don't walk alone at night in sketchy areas...) However, the mental effort in having to worry about all these possible bad situations is very taxing.

A clear example of this are the 9/11 attacks and terrorism that has plagued the US over the last few years. I say plagued because whether or not we being attacked repeatedly, the one attack was enough to make us extremely cautious. That loss of trust resulted in a loss of our freedoms, and that is what terrorism is all about. Terrorism is not about harming a lot of people, its about instilling fear. The 9/11 attacks successfully did just that.

There is a parallel here relating to relationships. Relationships are about trust. You trust your friend with your secrets, your stories, your emotions. You trust them to receive these and not take advantage of, or exploit this more vulnerable side.

People who assume familiarity and trust tend to form relationships faster than those who are less trusting and less assuming. The risk is being burned by someone you open up to, who does not reciprocate, or doesn't eventually become a close friend. However, it's completely worth it. With those relationships that don't work out, the feelings and information you shared with the other person usually lose value to them, so they have no reason to exploit it, or to hurt you.

Nevertheless, it still takes a lot of trust to make the first step. Trust in relationships tends to be reciprocal. If you display trust by opening up, usually that triggers a mutual sense of trust with the other person. It's unfair to expect someone to open up to you if you haven't already done the same. You can drive your relationships by being the first mover, being the first person to trust.

Trust is the invisible fabric that weaves society together. Relationships, both with those we know, and those we don't know, are always stronger if you establish trust by assuming it is already there.

Confidence: At the Price of an Open Mind?

2005-07-15T10:28:00.000-07:00

Confidence is usually associated with a positive, healthy mentality. Confidence is a sign of maturity, high self-esteem, and proficiency. I have noticed that my confidence has grown over the years, in many different areas. Becoming more confident aids in ridding ourselves of personality traits that may have been bred from insecurities. Insecurity seems to be the opposite of confidence. With all these positive connotations with becoming more confident, I never really stopped to thing about the corollary. What is the price of becoming confident in your ideas and mentality?

I think the first answer is obvious: becoming over-confident. Naturally, this is construed as negative, as is anything that we add "over" to: over-eager, overzealous, over-anxious...
Becoming over-confident in an area presumes that you don't have reason to be as confident as you are. For some reason, you believe your truth is more absolute than you have evidence for.

But aside from being over-confident, is there a negative to being confident? Over the years, I've found myself becoming more confident in areas where I am proficient, or have lots of experience. This may be something like technology, or running, or perhaps ideas around personal development. I once looked at this as a general crystallization of my mentality... Where I am starting to figure out who I am, and what I stand for. In the last two years I've had the opportunity start music, where I was an absolute beginner. The mentality shift of being an absolute beginner is amazing. I listened to anyone and everyone, since most people knew more about music than I did. I was initially very open-minded, since I had nearly no opinions of my own. I didn't necessarily take every piece of information as absolutely true, but I did have an open mind toward it, and would think quite objectively before deciding whether to agree or disagree.

I believe the danger in becoming more confident is that as we do so, we become less open-minded. As we crystallize our views on a subject, new information gets filtered into simple categories of "This fits into the mental framework I already have, therefore I agree." or vice versa. Now, of course, as with most things, this is not absolutely true, and sometimes a person you respect can shake your views by presenting a compelling argument. However, I believe that as your confidence in your views grows, this happens less and less often.

A friend of mine told me that the ultimate is to become very confident in your ideology, yet still open-minded towards new ideas. It sounds great, to be open-minded and supremely confident at the same time, but these two things naturally oppose each other. There are many things in life which we accept as having an inverse relationship, and I believe that this too, is a case of "You can't have your cake and eat it too." I think the Zen philosophy of always keeping a 'beginners mind' presumes that you never hold onto your views too strongly. Meanwhile, confidence comes from a believing you are strong in your views.

Where do we go from here? As we grow older, learn more, and grow in confidence, are we doomed to look at the world with a more biased, ever-narrowing perspective? Maybe, but perhaps there is an ultimate path... Or else I'd like to think there is, so I'll make one up.

Perhaps it is possible to become confident in who we are, and our abilities, rather than confident in our knowledge. Is it possible to be sure of my ability to solve a problem, but never too sure of the answer I come up with? There is a popular saying that can be paraphrased as such:

"He who knows the most, is constantly amazed by how much he doesn't know."

Getting It All In: Categorizing My Pursuits

2005-07-01T11:36:00.000-07:00

I am inundated with the sheer number of things I feel I need to do everyday. It seems that nearly every goal I have requires daily consistency. This is logical, but at some point I just run out of time. After all, there is only so much you can do in one day.

Over the years, I have become very good at multi-tasking. Doing vocal exercises while I get ready in the morning, practicing the harmonica while driving, brainstorming while I'm running, practicing on my balance board while brushing my teeth, calling my family while I'm cleaning my house... The list goes on. I rarely do a routine 'mindless' activity all by itself. I find that many things that have to be done, like folding clothes, cleaning the house, washing dishes... require almost no thought at all, so I usually 'double up'... so I can use my time more efficiently.

However, I still run out of time. I sleep about 6.5 hours a night, and yet I'm still fighting to get more done before bedtime. Sometimes I just run out of energy... I know when sitting back, reclined on my couch, strumming my guitar with lackluster strokes, that its about time to call it a day.

I've often been posed with the question: "Don't you ever just relax?... and do nothing?"
Its a good question, and a worthy concept to think about. After all, you can't just go, go, go all the time... everyone needs downtime. My explanation is that a lot of the things I do, I find very refreshing and relaxing. Running and playing the guitar can both fit into this category, depending on how I approach them on a particular day. I don't find 'zoning out' on the couch to be that relaxing... I get frustrated with my lethargy very quickly. I do enjoy watching movies (not TV), and that's definitely a sedentary activity, as is reading. But, in general, there are so many things I want to do, I'm never bored, and I just can't see the point of sitting around and 'doing nothing.'

That said, I understand that this is simply my mentality. I'm sure that there are people who are actually happier when they are in a 'doing nothing' state. If that's the case, then I wish them well.

Meanwhile, I seem to have an ever increasing list of things that I want to do everyday, and I find that I would still move forward in most pursuits, if I just had consistency on some level, even if it was every third day, or even once a week. The problem I find is that I tend to do things everyday, and I really improve in those areas, and other non-daily activities seem to eventually fade away, and I don't focus on them at all. I just don't have much of a routine that I can cycle at a lesser frequency... Blame it on the sun, the moon and the Roman calendar.

Today is the halfway point for the year, so I was thinking about my goals and extracurricular pursuits. I realized that at this point, I can pretty much categorize them into three areas. (This is for pursuits outside of work. Work is a dictated schedule, and my goals there are quite distinct, and time is automatically allotted for them)
The three categories are:

Health
Communication
Music

Health includes running, calisthenics, stretching, etc. As well as eating healthy, cooking, and reading about nutrition issues.

Communication is basically a lot of reading and research, as well as trying out my ideas. This also includes my pursuits in public speaking.

Music includes voice lessons, learning music theory, ear training, jamming with friends, practicing the guitar and harmonica.

An overarching area that is not really a goal, but definitely a use of my free time is being with friends and developing the relationships in my life. Though I don't think about it as a pursuit, it really does take up as much time as any of the other areas, if not all three put together. Rightfully so, because it is also the most important.

My idea at this point is that if I spend a good amount of time everyday in each category (as opposed to each activity), then I'll have general progress, and I won't feel like I'm slacking off in any of the areas. Realistically, this is more a way of thinking than a way of actually going about getting things done, since certain things, like running and guitar, I will do everyday regardless. But the categories might be a good way of 'filling in the cracks.'

The Power of Negative Talk?

2005-06-13T15:16:00.000-07:00

I readily admit that I have been guilty of talking negatively about other people. I don't try to be openly malicious, but in conversations with friends, I have often found myself pushing my mindset onto another (most often not present) friend and in doing so, disparaged opinions of that person's decisions come out. I'm not trying to tear down my friend behind their back, in fact, many times I would openly tell them what I'm thinking... but in reality this doesn't happen that often. I believe many people are guilty of this to some extent.

Lately I decided that this would be an area of my personality that I would really like to improve on. I truly believe that most people (myself included) often see the world too much through their own eyes, and therefore push their own mentality onto others. If everyone made the same decisions I did, or agreed with me on everything I thought was 'true' or 'right'... we would have a much more boring world than we currently live in. I'm constantly guilty of taking a situation in a friends life, applying what I think I would do, and then giving them my opinion. Sometimes this advice is helpful, depending on how receptive they are to my opinion and how much respect they have for me in the area in question. Certain areas where I might be considered a subject matter expert (in comparison)... like running, seem to go over more than other areas like fashion... where I'm much less of an 'expert'.

Giving others this advice is a result of two things:

My 'fix-it' mentality, which tells me that if someone presents me with a problem, they are asking for a solution. This is definitely not true, especially with women in my life, who often seem to be looking for an empathetic ear, not my 'solution'.
I find it easier to point out what is wrong with another person, than what is right. This is hard for me to admit... and somewhat surprising, especially since I am eternally optimistic.

Is there ever any value in talking negatively about someone else? I thought about this for a while, and first came to the conclusion that the only reason to speak about someone else's flaws or about them in a negative manner, is if you are bringing it up so that you can elicit others opinions on how you can possibly help the situation. (Note that I said "help the situation" not "fix them"). This seems like a noble reason to bring up something about another person that you find disagreeable or contentious... because your intentions are positive.

I thought about this some more, and I realized that in the same way that it is easier to see the negative in a person, rather than the positive, its also sometimes easier to bond with your conversational partner when you agree on a negative aspect of a non-present person. I think that a large reason people 'gossip' in a negative manner is that it brings you closer to those you're talking to. If I talk to my friend Jane about Bill being arrogant last Thursday when we were out together, and Jane and I spend 3 hours discussing Bill and how its typical of him, etc. etc. I come away from the conversation with a negative mindset about Bill, but a feeling of connection with Jane. In reality, sometimes Bill is really irrelevant, and what was important, was sharing a common opinion with Jane. I can think of many conversations in my life where I have bonded with a friend over negative talk about someone else.

So is this okay? After all, I am getting something very positive from it, and often the talk is relatively harmless since its not acted on, or its about someone who I don't interact with, etc. For example, what if I spend hours talking with my friends about my negative opinions of Paris Hilton? She'll never know, and probably doesn't care. Meanwhile, if I say something positive, like "I love that band Guster!"... it doesn't always stimulate the same strength of conversation, and therefore might be more difficult to create that bond.

I think the problem is that no matter who the subject is, if you're talking about it negatively, there is a danger of two things happening.

The friend you are conversing with may get a negative vibe from you. Even though you agree on the negativity, subconsciously, you might come off as someone who brings others down, possibly to make yourself look better. If there is not a positive spin to the conversation (how you might help the situation), then you come off looking a bit insecure. Sure, your friend, in agreeing with you, might also be doing the same thing, but I doubt that would affect their subconscious opinion.
Talking negatively puts you in a frame of mind that is just not productive. I'm not saying you have to be 100% positive, all the time, but training yourself to watch for the negative in others, will never help your relationships. Doing the opposite, watching for the positive, just might.

So what about the positive bond that comes from sharing a common opinion with your conversational partner? I think that coming together by sharing something negative is not nearly as strong as coming together by sharing something positive. Its harder to do, for sure, but I believe its a higher order of thinking that we should all strive for.

Riding a Two-Wheeler: A Metaphor for Growing Up

2005-06-06T16:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, while waiting for the elevator, I heard a colleague talking about teaching his kid to ride a bike. He was describing the process of running alongside his son, having him pedal, while he held on to the seat and handlebars. Then he let go of the handlebars, and kept running, just holding on to the seat of the bike, so that his son could get the feeling of riding alone, even though he was still there. Finally, the moment of truth came when he let go completely and after a few seconds his son looked back and realized that no one was holding on, panicked, screamed and jumped off the bike.
It’s an interesting thing, riding a bike… For the rest of your life, people always keep this learning experience as a reference. “It’s like riding a bike…”, They say… implying that the subject at hand, once learned, is never forgotten. But learning to ride a bike is much more than a childhood skill that we keep. It’s a process, just as in my colleague’s story. Sometimes there are training wheels, helmets, and elbow pads, always to be followed with the guiding hand holding the handlebars and seat. When you think about it, it’s a remarkable experience. A child, who can just barely dress alone, is propped up on this unstable mechanical device, and propelled forward, told to keep pedaling, and to steer, a verb that means nothing up until this point. The child has no experience to fall back on to help him with this task, but tries nevertheless, over, and over, and over… until he gets it. Despite the sharp repercussions of falling, failure is simply not accepted, because everyone learns to ride a bike, right? I wonder what else could be accomplished if all tasks were attempted with the same dogged determination.
For me, a similar bar was set with graduating from college: a task I completed only two years back. Failure was simply unacceptable. And, upon graduating, despite having ridden a bike successfully for over 15 years, I realize in other ways, I am still learning to handle my “two-wheeler”.
In high school, I wanted to be independent. My parents patiently ran beside me through the four years. They told me to study, cheered at my track meets, helped me apply to college, taught me how to drive, and set a curfew.
Then, one day, I left. One thousand miles away, and I was on my own. The college dorms had no curfews, the classes had no attendance lists, and the only thing that stopped the parties were the 9 o’clock tests the next morning. Stubbornly, I (mostly) resisted the temptations to party too late, sleep through classes, and skip track practice. I kept both hands on the handlebars and churned hard… and sometimes it felt like it was more uphill than downhill. And these times, when I just couldn’t pedal anymore, I called home. One thousand miles away, thank god, my parents were still holding on to the seat.
Then, just as soon as it had started, it was over. And I moved farther away. Three thousand miles now, living on my own, and I had to start a job, find a place, buy a car. I’m used to feeling like I’m on my own, but the question in my mind is: Who’s holding on to my seat now? If I look back, will I see my family growing smaller in the distance, as I pedal away?
I feel I have reluctantly reached the point where my parents are letting go. But on the other hand, wasn’t riding a bike without training wheels always more fun? In some ways, the answer is ‘yes’. But sometimes, the sense of freedom is so great, it almost swallows me. I’m not sure when to turn, or which direction to ride. But thankfully, the metaphor works full circle. My parents were always there when I fell off my bike, and I know that as hard and as fast as I pedal, I can always park my bike in the garage, and finish at home.

Relationships: Reciprocity, and Expectations

2005-05-19T15:59:00.002-07:00

I have many differing degrees of relationships with the people in my life. To split it up crudely, I have some best friends (I apply that term to more than one person), a larger group of friends, an even larger group of acquaintances. On a separate plane, I have my family.

I have been giving some thought to what separates out these differing degrees of friends. I always believe there is room for more people in my life, which is probably why I enjoy meeting new people so much. Some may think they don't have time for more friends. I agree that there is a limit to how much time I have in the day, and therefore I have a limited amount of time I can spend with my friends. With some friends, this seems to limit how close we can become, while other friends I feel close to, despite not being able to spend a lot of time together on a regular basis. I truly value all the friends I have moved away from, or do not spend time with regularly, but with whom I can immediately fall back in step with, when we are together.

I used to believe that common interests were one of the most important attributes of my close friends. However, I am slowly changing my mind on this opinion. I have a friend now, who could be considered my complete antithesis in terms of interests. However, I believe we have a strong mutual respect for our interests, and in many ways, I find the differences between us to be just as engaging. I am definitely attracted to people who show a passion for what they spend time on, and I have a hard time being friends with someone before I find something to admire about them. I've also learned that if I'm committed, I can find something to admire about just about anyone.

Lately, I've realized that perhaps more important than any of that, is the expectation of what it means to be a friend. I find that the people I am closest to, have the same expectations that I do, with regards to our friendship. I think this can be extended out to other, more intense, relationships... such as a girlfriend or a spouse. If the expectations of the relationship are not the same, the chance of it crumbling at some point is very high.

I think a good example is asking a friend for a favor. Friends who have the same expectations as myself would do the favor without thinking much of it. I feel that I give in this way, and while I don't expect the favor to be returned 1 for 1, I feel that if the roles were reversed, my friend would return the favor without thinking, as well. This is an important distinction, because I think most 'friends' would do their friend a favor, but some might look on it as being a much bigger deal. It is this difference that shows the differing expectations between friends.

You might be able to apply this example to borrowing money from friends, as well. The expectations have to be the same.

I should point out that no ones set of expectations is not in any way 'better' than anyone else's... just different. If two friends expect a hug everyday as a greeting... that's fine, and they'll both get along well if they both expect it. That doesn't make them any better or worse than a different set of friends who both expect a handshake. A trivial example, perhaps, but it highlights my point.

Examination of this idea has changed how I view new people in my life. I think I always gravitated towards people with similar expectations of friends, but now I am a bit more conscious of it. Thankfully, it has also helped me understand the friendships I have right now.

Arguing: Whats the point? (part 3 of 3)

2005-05-11T10:07:00.000-07:00

My final point on arguing brings back a topic I talked about earlier last month. Listening. I believe one of the hardest things about arguing (or we can use the nicer term 'debating', as someone mentioned last week), is the necessity to listen to an opposing viewpoint.

I am usually guilty of cutting someone off during the course of the argument. Usually this is because I believe I foresee where they are going with their point, and I already am thinking of a rebuttal. Rather than wait for their whole discourse, I cut them off with my own thoughts.

Again, this is ineffective from the standpoint of trying to understand the other person. Cutting someone off mid-sentence gives them the impression they are less important to you than 'winning' the debate. Often, I am incorrect in my assumption of where the other person is leading with their point, and because I cut them off, I never heard the whole argument. Lastly, its just bad practice to spend your time thinking of a rebuttal instead of really tuning into what your conversational partner is saying.

I think all three points as to why arguing is difficult can be overcome by constantly turning our focus away from our own ego's, and instead concentrating on understanding the other person.

Arguing: Whats the point? (part 2 of 3)

2005-05-10T19:37:00.000-07:00

This time I'm discussing why arguing fails as good communication because it's easier to begin to argue the person, rather than the topic.

This is easily the most frustrating and confusing part of arguing for me. There seem to be a split between the type of person who can argue intensely a topic dear to their heart, and not take it personally, and those who make arguments very personal. Perhaps more accurately, there are times when we are very objective with our position, and other times, perhaps when we know the other person well, when we use our knowledge of the other person, as part of the argument.

Ideally, if we were just arguing in order to exchange information, than anything personal would be thrown aside, and no feelings would be hurt. However, as I stated last time, the point of arguing is to understand the other person. Therefore a completely impersonal approach is not desirable either.

Like most things in life, the line between being too personal, and being too objective is fuzzy. If you are too personal, you might take a breakdown of your argument as a breakdown of your personality. If you are too objective, you might start communicating the idea, but not communicating to the person you're arguing with. A fine distinction semantically, but a large one in reality.

Arguing: Whats the point? (part 1 of 3)

2005-05-02T14:03:00.000-07:00

Arguing seems to get a bad rap in our culture. Why is it that we have such negative connotations with such a useful way of passing ideas? I believe its for 3 reasons:

It is easy to argue with the wrong goal in mind. (It's not to 'win')
It is easy to begin to argue the person, rather than the topic.
It is easier to talk than it is to listen. Especially when you are hearing an opposing viewpoint.

To begin, I should define what I call arguing. Some people may say "I don't like to argue, I'd rather discuss the topic calmly." I would argue (pun intended) that if you are discussing any topic, where you take a different stance than your partner, and you discuss the difference, that is an argument. To argue means to 'present the reasons for supporting and/or defending something.' That being said, a domestic dispute, where a couple is screaming at the top of their lungs ensued by a neighbor calling the police, is also arguing... but it borders on downright fighting, which is not the topic I'm presenting here.

The first statement, arguing with the wrong goal in mind, comes up when a person enters an argument with the goal of trying to change the others mind, rather than trying to understand the reasons why they follow that line of thinking. I think it can generally be assumed and agreed upon that we all think differently. However, with a friend, it can also be assumed that our the friend thinks similarly to us. After all, that's probably a good reason why we are friends. Now, because we all think differently, it seems logical that we may diverge at some point along our line of thinking. The goal of having an argument is to find where that point is, and understand the person enough to realize why they chose to take a different path from there. This is easier said than done.

It seems more like a 'win' if you can convince the other person that you are right and they are wrong. In reality, this seldom happens, especially if one person does not come to the argument with a large amount of authority in the topic being argued. Ultimately, the goal should be to understand the other person a bit more deeply, as well as to flush out your own thinking. Sometimes arguments give me a chance to see if I can actually articulate the points that I hold dearly to. Sometimes they crumble, at which the point should be to take a learning role in the conversation.

If the goal is changed to understanding the person, and how they came to their conclusion, inconsistencies in their line of thinking will fall out naturally, and in a kinder manner. In fact, I often find that if someone argues in this manner with me, I usually find out myself that I am wrong, and I am much more likely to listen to their line of thinking than if they told me I was wrong explicitly. Asking questions surrounding the other persons argument, rather than making statements is a good way to do this.

"Really? Where did you learn that?" rather than "That's grossly untrue."

Stay tuned for Part 2, about arguing the Person, rather than the topic.

Associating Game

2005-04-26T12:14:00.000-07:00

I've been interested in memory techniques since I was in 8th grade, and I regularly use them in everyday life in order to remember just about anything. I'm a big fan of teaching them to others, and have been developing a talk that I plan on taking around to local schools.

Most memory techniques focus on association, since that is that way our brain works in order to remember something.

Recently I came up with a small association game that I've been trying out. It goes like this:

Pick an object, either something you're looking at, or something you're thinking about. Then ask yourself: What do I have associated with this? Sometimes the associated object will come to mind immediately, but sometimes the answer will be nothing. If the answer is nothing, the trick is to just wait for a second, and let your mind mull over the object until something comes to mind. So far, I've yet to find something that doesn't trigger another memory. And sometimes it seems completely random that one thing reminds me of the next. Its a lot like tracing your thought pattern after you've been daydreaming for a while.

I'm not sure what the benefit of this particular exercise is,... but it seems like you might get to know yourself better... and possibly come up with explanations of why you have certain feelings towards the original object. The cool part, is that everything is associated to something else in your mind... its just a matter of letting it come forth.

Maybe its a silly, trivial game, but if nothing else, your concentration and focus improves, and you might learn something about yourself... possibly the most important topic of all.

Proponents of Healthy Eating

2005-04-20T16:26:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about diet and nutrition for about a month now, and I have decided to take on a personal challenge to revamp my diet for a few months. This was brought on after I met Dean Karnazes... the UltraMarathonMan, who ran 262 miles in one shot, which took 3 days, with no sleep. It was quite impressive, and after hearing him speak, I was most impressed by the fact that he only slept 4 hours a night. With that kind of tax on the body (he runs 80-120 miles a week, keeps a full time job, has two kids, and has written a book)... I couldn't understand how anyone could survive on 4 hours of sleep. More importantly, the question I had was... is there anything I could do to reduce the amount of sleep I need? Now, some people think this is a crazy goal, but to me, I find sleep somewhat boring. If I could wake up just as refreshed after 4-5 hours as I do after 7, I would certainly never go back.

Dean hinted that his diet was very strict, no refined sugar, no saturated fat, etc. I realized that the reason I didn't eat an extremely healthy diet (I usually eat pretty well, but have a sweet tooth), is that I never saw the immediate benefits. Sure, eating this vegetable or not eating that side of fries may help me when I'm 70, and fighting cancer, but really, those reasons were too far off and not nearly tangible enough to act on. Besides, with all the running, becoming fat was never an issue. However, if changing my diet gave me more energy, and more time, I would surely be all for it.

And so in comes my Food Plan Personal Challenge. (I'm calling it a food plan, as opposed to diet, because I'm not exactly fat, so when people hear me say diet, they think I've gone crazy.) I'm going to try to go a bit extreme, and follow as closely as I can to what I think is a healthy diet. I came up with this challenge way before I knew what I actually considered to be healthy, and the more I looked into it, the more I realized there was vast disagreement in this area.

I waded through websites and browsed through some books, I found a host of different strategies. Low Fat , Low Sugar , Low Glycemic Index , Low Carb, Vegetarian, etc. The list goes on and on. I decided to stray from material that adhered to one type of diet, and go for general nutrition guidelines, since the 'fad diets' seemed to recycle every few years, and didn't have enough research backing them in some cases.

I happened upon a book called "Eat, Drink, and Be Healthy" by Dr. Walter Willett which is backed by the Harvard Medical School, and got rave reviews on Amazon. It rips apart the USDA food pyramid and gives general guidelines backed by science research. It also does a great job of not taking firm stands when there isn't research to back it. It gives examples of recipes, has a bibliography of research papers that were used, and has a section "Putting it into Practice" in most chapters. So far, its been fantastic, I can't wait for the new version to come out in June, which apparently addresses the new food pyramid that has been recently released by the USDA.

I won't go into details about the diet, but in summary its this:

Don't stray from fat, but eat good fat (unsaturated) instead of bad fat (saturated/trans).
Get your protein from quality sources (nuts/legumes/fish).
Eat carbs that digest slowly and don't spike your blood sugar/insulin levels. (Whole grains)
Take a multi-vitamin for extra insurance.
Make vegetables a staple.

And that's as far as I've read so far... :)

I will say that the whole grain carbohydrate thing is by far the hardest to do. Nearly everything you think of, in terms of carbs seems to be refined, in which case it spikes your blood sugar.

So anyhow, I'm kind of diving in head first this week, but at the same time, I realize that this is a lifestyle change that is going to take some time before I'm used to it. I'm also trying to wake up earlier (6am instead of 7:30)... in hopes that the two balance each other out. My plan is to continue on this for two months, and hopefully feel a difference. At that point, I'll re-evaluate and probably pull back a tad on the strictness of the food plan... if for no other reason, because its hard to keep on the diet, and eat at social outings at the same time.

On the plus side, I'm now taking WAY better care of my body than I am of anything material in my life (like my car or something)... which makes me think I'm starting to get my priorities straight.

Perseverance: Lessons from Running

2005-04-20T15:51:00.000-07:00

I recently completed my 1st Boston Marathon, and after nearly 15 years of running, I've only recently seen in the last year (my first year outside of organized competitive running) what a place running has taken in my life. If I was to truly follow the subtitle of this post, it could take me years. The lessons I've learned from running, and sports in general are way too numerous to mention. However, my Boston marathon experience highlighted one thing that I think is worth mentioning.

Despite my years of experience, I fell trap to a few small nagging injuries that hindered my training for Boston. In addition, I messed up somehow with pre-race prep, because I completely ran out of fuel about halfway through this marathon. I dropped off my pace, felt dizzy, had cramps, etc.

Yet I feel like crossing the finish line, despite a horrendous time, was quite an achievement. Probably more so, than when I ran well. It was, in some ways, the epitome of a lesson that I've learned from running... that my mind is usually the only hindrance between where I am now, and where I want to be,... and perseverance is the answer to getting beyond those hurdles.

I love the feeling of moving beyond something that at some point seems impossible. I definitely hit that point on Monday... and with over 10 miles to go.

Moving past these hurdles gives me the feeling that I can do nearly anything, if I'm committed enough. Running, despite rain, heat, freezing cold, snow, ice, exhaustion, soreness, etc, has given me a sense of control. I feel like I am in charge of how much I achieve, and its just a matter of persevering through the low points, in order to get to my goal.

It seems almost strange to be writing this down, because on paper, it seems so logical and straightforward. It seems like I'm just rewriting the same thing I've been told over and over since I was small. But the fact is, hearing the advice had very little effect on me. It was my running has turned the advice into a conviction, and that, I believe, can only happen through 1st hand experience.

Studying human interaction : listening

2005-04-13T14:29:00.000-07:00

I've become increasingly interested in human interaction of late. I've always noticed the massive difference with how some people seem to be very good at interacting with others, while others are decidedly lacking that ability. This is immediately apparent to me at my work, as I work in a very technical environment, where at least consciously the ability to interact well with people is not a skill that is highly valued.

I call out "consciously" because I believe that even though we might try to be objective robots in transferring information from one person to another, we are all still human. Because we are human, we cannot help but notice if someone seems disinterested when we are talking, or is overtly rude when speaking to us.

Recently, I've been noticing this more and more, and I've been thinking about how much I value this skill. I also believe that a proper study of this, and in the very least, conscious thought about it, can improve ones ability to interact with others.

One deficiency I find in myself is my ability to listen. Now, that seems rather simple, but I've been paying more and more attention to it, and I find that I'm really not alone. Its hard to find people who are truly listening when you are speaking to them. Now, this is not to say that they don't understand your point, but most people only listen to select portions and then spend the rest of the time thinking about what they will say. I definitely fall into this group, but I've been doing better since I noticed it. I think this is a common observation, however, the value of changing this within yourself, I think is often overlooked.

The value of listening, is that you can really communicate more effectively. When you are truly listening, you can then personalize your own thoughts to fit the situation more appropriately. Also, the very fact that you are listening will definitely affect your conversation partner positively, even if they don't notice the difference at a conscious level.

Also, I've been thinking... it really makes sense to develop your listening abilities, as you will definitely learn more by listening, than by speaking. Cutting people off early (something I've been guilty of) sends them the subconscious idea that you aren't interested in them or their thoughts, or that you think you already know what they will say. Both of which would be somewhat insulting.

Money, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness

2005-04-04T17:53:00.000-07:00

It seems generally agreed upon that happiness is the holy grail of human existence. Other than avoiding pain, nothing else seems to motivate us as humans. (Sometimes you have to dig through layers of abstraction, but one of these seems to be at the end of every human endeavor)

Yesterday, I had an interesting discussion with some friends about happiness. We were discussing the role of money in happiness, whether it had a role, and if so, how much?

There is a popular study that one of my friends quoted... A group of psychologists created a survey in which they asked people to rate their happiness:

"When asked to rate their over all level of happiness, on a scale
from 1 to 10, the majority of people indicated about 6,7 or so. Interestingly it
was discovered that a divorce, or serious injury, even the loss of a limb,
caused this level to go down a one or two points for a 1 to 2 years, but then it
usually came back to about 6 or 7. Falling in love or winning the lottery caused
the level of happiness to go up a point or two for a year or two, but then it
went back to the previous level. What this implies is that a slight increase
that could be sustained, was more significant than more dramatic life events. In
other words if you find small things that make you feel good, and do them on a
regular basis, your overall level of happiness is greater than if you fall in
love, win the lottery."*

This experiment seems to state that mentality about the small things in life is where true happiness is found. It was argued that their isn't a set way to measure happiness, and that interviews of people would yield different results because everyone has their own scale. This seems to tie into my other post about the Paradox of Choice, in which someone with a scale that includes an untouchable amount of elation might end up rating himself at a 5, instead of a 7, but this is justified, since it is in accordance to his expectations. Since Happiness is so subjective, how can someone possibly rate himself, and be wrong? Even if the scale is different for different people, the only opinion that matters is your own, so normalizing scales is unnecessary.

It was my contention that money only matters until your basic needs (food, shelter, clothing) are met. Beyond that, what truly matters is your relationships with family, friends. Religion can play a big role, depending on how religious you are.

One paradox in this discussion is the difficulty of explaining the value of a close family or friend to someone who doesn't have one. In the same way, the value religion plays in a person's happiness is a concept that is hard to explain to a non-religious person. It's hard to imagine value (in terms of happiness) if one has not already experienced it at some point.

I'm going to have to continue thought down this path. For such an important topic, my ability to articulate my thoughts is frightfully inept.

* I couldn't locate the actual study, just this synopsis.

The Power of Relaxation

2005-03-29T12:01:00.000-08:00

I've been noticing a trend lately in my activities. It's relaxation. It seems that being able to relax your body/mind is a crucial element to learning. When I am able to relax everything but the muscles needed for the activity I am performing, things always feel much better, and I am able to learn more efficiently.

When playing the guitar, relaxation is crucial to improving speed and dexterity. Relaxing my shoulders and arms, as well as my fingers, in between chord changes.

When typing, the same applies, relaxing my shoulders, and arms, and my hands/wrists, helps me type quicker, more accurately, and without any wrist or arm pain.

When running, being able to relax my muscles as much as possible helps improve my form. Letting gravity and my bone structure take most of the work load helps me run for longer and without pain.

In singing, relaxation seems to be the main focus overall. Relaxing the entire upper body, especially, the neck, shoulders and throat, actually changes the sound you are able to produce.

I feel like this reoccurring theme is like a meta-skill, that, if mastered, can improve your ability to take on new tasks, with less effort. Meanwhile, its surprisingly difficult. Even just sitting down or lying down, and releasing tension in your muscles doesn't seem to happen naturally for me.

The Paradox of Choice

2005-03-21T14:31:00.000-08:00

I just listened to an online lecture by Barry Schwartz, who is a professor of Social Theory and Social Action at Swarthmore College. His talk was about how we have an overabundance of choices in this country, and how this actually makes us less happy.

There is an online transcript of a different interview of his that outlines some of this thoughts, and therefore gives a brief synopsis of his book, The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less.

I have a hard time swallowing Dr. Schwartz's conclusions, because he came to the conclusion that to avoid the pitfalls of too much choice, you should resolve that "good enough is good enough". This goes against a lot of what I believe in. Strive for something better, don't settle. However, it does tie in a lot to my post on how we measure ourselves. Here is a quote I found particularly disturbing...

"People who are out to find the very best job ("maximizers") feel worse than people who settle for good enough. We've tracked them through and after college. Maximizers did better financially - they found starting salaries that paid $7,000 more than satisficers' starting salary. But by every other measure - depression, stress, anxiety, satisfaction with their job - maximizers felt worse."

Now the positive side of this, is that, like most things in life, this is not a black and white issue. Having no choices is horrible, and having more than one choice is usually good. Its when we have an obscene amount of choices that it starts to detract from our happiness. This is because we get frozen by indecision, and because its hard to make the perfect choice, you will end up being more dissatisfied thinking of the possibilities you missed out on the other choices (opportunity costs) you will end up feeling less satisfied than if there had been only one choice to begin with.

"There is no excuse for anything less than perfection in a world in which the choices are essentially infinite. When we experience relative failure and we ask the 'Whose fault is it?' question, we come up with answer 'the fault is ours.' This is the causal link between the profusion of choices we now face and the increase in clinical depression."

Dr. Schwartz sited some interesting examples with things like sampling at the grocery store. The more types of sample available, the more people were attracted to try one, but the less they were likely to buy. I personally have felt this when I tried to buy a digital camera a year ago. I was so bewildered by all the choices, I didn't get a camera for over 2 years. (of course, I didn't realize this was why I wasn't getting a camera at the time... Back then I was just "waiting for x model to come out")

Another interesting quote from Dr. Schwartz:

"The paradox of all this is what really makes people happy is close relations to other people. That is the single most important determinant of well being that anyone has identified in 40 years of research. Close relations constrain, they don't liberate. What it means to be close to someone is that you are not free to make all these choices yourself, you have to consider the needs, interests, desires of the others. So you are limited by the fact that you care about other people and other people care about you."

This is interesting to me, because I definitely agree that close relations are what makes us happy... but I never thought of the constraints as being a positive part of it. This makes me wonder why I might ever have a fear of commitment in a relationship. Maybe its because I'm used to having so many choices, its hard to see that a simpler set may be more enjoyable.

The problem I had with all of this, is that it at first seemed like a whining statement of the Have's. If you imagine the world as split into the "Haves" and the "Have nots" then you can imagine the "Have nots" being the ones that don't have enough choices. This seems logical. However, the Haves complaining that they have too many choices and that they are unhappy because of it seems like complaining. Kind of like complaining that you have too much money. (After all, money is opportunity, so this statement is actually quite similar.) It just doesn't go over to well with the general public. It does, however give a strong argument for living a simpler life. It also could explain why more money doesn't lead to happiness. The premise of Dr. Schwartz's argument would tell people to satisfy their basic needs, and then concentrate on your relations. More is not always better. I think I've heard that before...

Guiding Lights

2005-03-16T14:53:00.000-08:00

I went to hear Eric Liu give a talk yesterday. He is a former speech writer for Bill Clinton, and now teaches in the Public Policy department at the University of Washington.
Yesterday, however, he was speaking on a completely different topic. Mentors.

Eric has written a book called Guiding Lights: The People Who Lead Us Toward Our Purpose in Life. He was an excellent speaker, and spoke about his interviews with great mentors around the country. He interviewed over 300 people over 2 years, and wrote about 15 of them in depth in his book. Part of what intrigued me was the topic, and even more so, that it seemed far from his original career path. He's a local, and I promptly asked him out to dinner afterwards so I could hear some more of his story. I started reading his book yesterday, which is very well written.

Eric talked of a few things that stuck with me. He said that there were common elements in all of the great mentors he talked to, and that it was his belief that everyone is a teacher to some capacity, so understanding great mentors is central to becoming more effective in this role.

I like his story on failure, where he talked of a jazz master who encouraged his pupils to improvise off of their errors. I thought this was really interesting because this is a central principle to the Improv Comedy classes I'm taking. I find it so cool how I'm finding all these links in my interests.

I'm hoping to meet with Eric again, and talk to him about some of the ideas I've posted here. I think we have some common strains of thinking, in regard to why he wrote his book, and why I'm keeping this blog.

Corporate Ties, and Money as an Opportunity

2005-03-08T11:05:00.000-08:00

I was talking with a friend yesterday about my 'fear of commitment.' She is looking into buying a house... and meanwhile I couldn't imagine tying myself down financially like that. One of the things I like about my life right now is that the only thing limiting me is my mentality. I have paid off my debts, paid off my car, and am renting month to month. Even my furniture is cheap enough to be disposable. I've been asked multiple times if I feel like my rent that I pay each month makes me feel like I'm throwing away money. I'm sure I don't feel that way. Yes, I know, I won't see that money again, and if I was paying off a mortgage instead, than I could look at it like an investment. But honestly, I don't care.

I see money as an opportunity. After all, thats pretty much what it represents to me. Opportunity to purchase something, donate it, invest it. Right now, the money I spend on rent is providing me with opportunities, simply by alleviating me of financial committments. At this point in my life, I value that alot. If for no other reason, it lets me explore my opportunities mentally, without having to think about alot of financial caveats.

It's funny, I hear advice all the time about how to invest, buy corporate stock, start an IRA, 401K, etc. And, of course, like a good boy, I do what I need to do. But the mentality is what surprises me. My parents had pretty much no money until they were 30-35, and yet we now live in big house, go on vacation all over the place, my sisters and I all went to private colleges, etc.

Meanwhile, here I am, 23 years old, earning more money than I possibly could 'need' and the mentality around my workplace is all about what you can do to earn more. I'm not saying its bad to be financially responsible,... not at all. But there's a fine line between living within your means being smart with your money, versus concentrating alot of your time and energy on how much more you can make. This is one of the main reasons I wish to leave behind corporate life for a while. The "money money money" mentality is suffocating, and I'm afraid that if I stay here too long, I'll forget about whats really important. It's already starting to feel more normal here than it did when I arrived.

Concentration on money is just a mentality I just don't want in my life.

The funny thing, is the luxury I have in saying that. Thanks mostly to good fortune, I really have absolutely no financial fears looking forward in my life. I feel like I have the tools and mentality to make as much money as I need. Thats probably why I don't care to buy a house. Sure, it might be better financially in the long run... but the way I look at it, financially, I'm going to be just fine in the long run.

I already know I can make money doing something I don't really love. What I need to concentrate on now, is creating a life and career that I actually want instead of just a life that earns more money. I think that's alot harder, and I fully believe that not enough people spend time trying to find it.

Grateful + Opportunistic

2005-03-04T16:00:00.000-08:00

About a week ago I wrote "Seeing Beyond Money" about the ability to see beyond the paycheck to evaluate what I really want. I also spoke of the difference between being grateful for my good fortune, and still wanting to move on. Yesterday I had a talk with a few friends where we ended up in a very similar conversation.

I'm becoming more and more convinced of my point. With my friends, the conversation continued to go back to comparing where we are in our careers compared to the general population. I was arguing that that was a completely separate issue. Yes, I agree, we should all be grateful for a number of things. Starting out with being born into a free country, getting a good education, having enough to eat, etc.

But my point is that we should compare our current careers not with what those less fortunate have, but instead with what we ourselves are capable of having. We should continue to be grateful for what we have now, but its not a reason to not aim higher and continue to move forward.

I posed the question of job satisfaction. On a scale of 1-10 how do you feel about your current job. 10 being the most fantastic job you can imagine, and 1 being the worst situation. My friends all centered around about a 6.

My am convinced that there are 9 and 10 jobs out there for everyone. I don't necessarily think that you will know what they are (I don't)... but if you're current job is not moving you toward them, aren't you due for a change? First, however, you must be convinced about the existance of such a job. (as hypothetical as it is at this point.) I, personally, am convinced.

My last thought, as I continued to convince my friends of my viewpoint, is... why am I doing this? I believe entirely in what I am saying. I have no doubt of that, and so naturally I want to share my viewpoint... However, some small part of me is asking the question... Am I trying to make converts out of those around me so that I have company in taking this risk? I want to tell myself 'no'... but how can I really be sure?

Support for Travel

2005-03-02T13:54:00.000-08:00

My voice coach, Emily Greenleaf, rocks. She said something yesterday that I thought was worth putting down.
"Music is a unique skill in that it requires you to speak and listen at the same time... The world needs more people who can do that."
She's very supportive of my decision to go travel. She gave me the great idea of taking a mic to attach to my Ipod, and record sounds/music from my trip. A great music education, as well as a cool way to record parts of my adventures other than photographs.

On a separate note, I was discussing with a friend yesterday, whether its better to attack hobbies and goals in serial or parallel. I quickly find myself inundated with practice schedules and routines that I should do everyday to get full benefit. Another approach would be to devote myself fully to it for a set amount of time, achieve a certain level of proficiency, and then move on to something else. Of course, this likely means I won't maintain that proficiency... but it probably won't be completely lost either. Also, it allows me to achieve a higher level, than if I overload myself with so many tasks that I end up not being consistent with any of them.

This is an interesting idea, but for now, I'm not going to follow it. I think I naturally spend alot of time on something until I find I've achieved a level and then want to move on. A good example is Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I've stopped it for now, but I might return to it when I go back to Brazil. I think I'm pretty good at being consistent, but I need some work on not picking up hobbies right, left, and center. My natural instinct when I hear about somebody doing something cool, is to jump right on board and try to do it as well.

All in all... I can't complain. Its a good problem to have.

Twixters

2005-03-01T14:24:00.000-08:00

I reread an article today entitled "Grow Up? Not so Fast." by Lev Grossman in TIME magazine. It's about "twixters" the in-betweeners of my age... In their twenty's... not quite an adult, and not in adolescence any more.

It rang true for me in a number of ways... but in alot of ways, it talked about people who were bouncing from job to job, living with their parents, dating, going out alot, etc. I think from an external view point, I look very responsible. Graduated in 4 years, good job, financially independent and responsible... however, the mindset was very familiar.

Who are we?:
"Where did the twixters come from? And what's taking them so long to get Where they're going? Some of the sociologists, psychologists and demographers who study this new life stage see it as a good thing. The twixters aren't lazy, the argument goes, they're reaping the fruit of
decades of American affluence and social liberation. This new period is a chance for young people to savor the pleasures of irresponsibility, search their souls and choose their life paths. But more historically and economically minded scholars see it differently. They are worried that twixters aren't growing up because they can't."

On growing older... :
"Twixters have all the privileges of grownups now but only some of the responsibilities."

On relationships:
"The situation is analogous to their promiscuous job-hopping behavior--like Goldilocks, they want to find the one that's just right--but it can give them a cynical, promiscuous vibe too. Arnett is worried that if anything, twixters are too romantic. In their universe, romance is totally detached from pragmatic concerns and societal pressures, so when twixters finally do marry, they're going to do it for Love with a capital L and no other reason."

On jobs:
"Twixters expect a lot more from a job than a paycheck."

Some of this resonates with me... especially that last part. I definitely feel like I'm an idealist, and that I envision having all that I want, rather than settling for what is the norm, and acceptable. I think thats why I have an itch to leave this responsible life behind. I feel like I'm living out someone else's expectations. It's beautiful out today. I'm inside my office staring at a glowing LCD screen. There must be people doing more exciting things. I'm not okay with not being one of those people.

Measures of Success

2005-02-28T14:04:00.001-08:00

I had an interesting discussion over the weekend. It was about forming a framework to determine where you are on your path to success. After a few suggestions on how to view this, I came up with my take. I think analogy's are often helpful here... At some point I'll fill you in on my limo driver and river analogies, which Brandon and I came up with. However, I usually feel that analogies fall short at some point. Simply because with any analogy, there may be mixed feelings about the process you are making reference to.

To make up an arbitrary example... If you view your relationship is like a flower, you may say that it has to be experienced with multiple senses, that it needs tending to, in order to grow, or perhaps that every flower (relationship) is different. However, at the same time, you could dig deeper (in a negative sense)and say that eventually the flower will wilt, in which case your best option is to dry it. But even then, it becomes unchanging, loses some color and smell, etc.

So, obviously, with any analogy, its sometimes best to have multiple analogies, and to use the parts of each analogy that you like, and then just leave the rest.

But to get back to my discussion.

My take was that no matter what way you frame it, there are three things which are important when measuring yourself.

Where you think you are.
Where you think you should be now.
Where you want to be.

Now there are some subtleties in this that are important. Notable is that I didn't put down "Where you actually are"... in some reference to absolute truth. I think most people would admit that where they view themselves on any path, is probably different than what they think is actually true.

"I don't think I'm very good at skiing, but I'm probably not that bad."

This seems like a strange statement, since you're admiting that your opinion on yourself, is probably wrong, but you hold on to it anyhow. But I believe this happens all the time. We don't always believe we can change how we think about ourselves.

In my opinion... the three items listed are all that really exists. There isn't an absolute truth, only your perception of it. Other peoples perceptions may differ from your own, and you can use them to adopt a new view... but neither is absolutely true. Our whole experience of life is based on our perceptions, biases, and preconceived notions. (in a positive and negative sense).
So I believe it only matters where we think we are. Now, if there is a big discrepancy between where we think we are (#1), and where we think we should be(#2)... then its a setup for misery. All this is in your head anyhow, so why not set the bar low? As long as you keep your sights high (#3)... does it really help for you to be down on yourself? I think we're better off just trying to get rid of #2 as much as possible, while keeping #1 as positive as possible. After all, does it really matter where you think you should be? Not really, only your interpretation of where you are, and where you want to go.

This is not about being delusional. There's a fine balance between tricking yourself into thinking you're doing well, when you're not, but at the same time allowing yourself the luxury of a pat on the back.

Some may say, that the sense they are behind motivates them to keep moving forward. This doesn't ring true for me, because I think that even if you're motivated, and you eventually achieve your #3, you'll never really be happy with your success if your #2 is constantly ahead of #1.

Keeping your "should be's" in check is a mentality,... and not something that changes as soon as you reach your goals. There will always be some imperfection to focus on, that will still allow you to be hard on yourself. After all, whats more important: to enjoy your life day to day, or to eventually achieve what you now percieve to be success?

As with all my theories,... this one is going to need some modification. I especially want to clarify the line between being delusional, and allowing yourself to think of yourself as successful.

I think sometimes it's just nice to hear someone else say they think you're doing a great job.

"Love is the answer,
At least for most of the questions in my heart.
Why are we here, and where do we go, and how come it's so hard?"
-Jack Johnson in his song "Better Together"

Seeing Beyond Money

2005-02-25T15:36:00.000-08:00

I've been mulling over a few questions today as I'm sitting in my office and thinking about the beautiful weather outside. Am I being ungrateful? After all, I'm getting paid well to be here, and I really can't justify it by thinking I "deserve it." Does the fact that I want more, mean that I'm ungrateful for what I have?

I was talking with some friends last night and we were talking about something similar, and I think I solidified my take on this. I think there is a difference between being grateful for the opportunities in your life, and using dissatisfaction to motivate you and create new opportunities.

One of the things I find remarkable about my position, that is different than many people I know, is that I am able to see beyond money. When I was young, I let my parents think about money, and I did both what I was told (I should do), and outside of that, I did what I wanted. Now, I have financial responsibility, since I support myself, but I have no one telling me that I have to do this and that. (Actually, I have tons of people telling me I should do this and that, but now I have the ability to nod politely, and then do what I want.)

What I'm grateful for, is that because I have a high paying job, it allows me to not worry about money. I honestly don't think about it very much at all. I don't have loads, but I live well under my means, and that leaves a comforting buffer. This is a luxury most people don't have. Worrying about money is mentally limiting when you think about your future and what your possiblities are. Alleviating myself from that is an amazing luxury.

Now, that said, I know lots of people who earn as much and more than I do, but don't have this freedom. That makes me think. I think many people have the ability to "see beyond money," but admittedly,... its much harder for those who have less of it.

Now lets see, how do I define that? "Seeing Beyond Money." To me, it means letting go of the need to worry about money for long enough to think about what you want if money wasn't a concept. Now actually going after it, and taking the plunge is much harder. But I think most people are stopped by their thinking and their beliefs.

What would you do, if money wasn't a concern? What are the real reasons for why you are not doing that? For some, its security. I think I'm starting to let go of this... I'm okay with the fact that I don't have solid plans as to what I will do when I'm done traveling.

Actually, I don't think I've solidified my position on this at all. But this is a start. I definitely feel that I'm not being ungrateful by wanting more than this high paying job. I do think that the ability to want more than this job, is a luxury of someone who has their basic needs taken care of. But, in a way... by not making the most of my good fortune, wouldn't my life be an insult to those not as fortunate?

"To give anything less than your best, is to sacrifice the gift." - Steve Prefontaine

Dinner with Curt Rosengren

2005-02-23T22:32:00.000-08:00

I had dinner with Curt Rosengren today. He is a Passion Catalyst, who resides in Seattle, and makes his living showing other people how to find passion in their lives/work. He came to Microsoft to speak a few weeks back and I asked him to dinner so I could pick his brain. Graciously, he accepted. We talked of many things, mostly of how he got into his current line of work, as well as my ideas around such work. I mentioned to him the index card idea which I wrote about a few days ago. It's worked wonders for me, and he seemed to like the idea as well. I thought I'd only done this for a few months, but I'm at my desk just now, and I realized that my first card was in August, so I've been making these cards (almost everyday) for nearly 6 months now. Fantastic! Curt gave me some good ideas around how to use my future travels as a time for self exploration, and how the ideas I've been coming up with might really appeal to others who are of similar age and circumstance. I think there must be thousands of 20-somethings who have graduated college, found themselves in a job, and then thought... okay, so now what? Off the bat, Curt said some key things which I hung on to. He says the first 10 years of your career don't really mean much anyhow, so you should try to get experience in as many things as you can. Why does he say this? Well, his personal experience for one, but even more so, he says thats when he starts seeing alot of his clients. After about that length of time, they start coming around to ... what am I doing? Where am I going? What do I want out of my life/career? I think I'm a little ahead of the curve on this end... as are a bunch of my friends with whom I've been bouncing ideas around. I think that is what this site is probably going to turn into. A place for self exploration. After all, its already appropriately titled. So I must have had that in my subconscious at the start anyhow. Curt mentioned the book "Road Trip Nation" which is a book of interviews by some college kids who traveled around the nation interviewing all sorts of folks. He also mentioned Speak and Grow Rich... which pertains to my future speaking engagements. I'll have to write more about that soon.

Chit Chat... whats that?

2005-02-22T15:01:00.000-08:00

My college roommate, Niels Hoven, sent me an article today about Small Talk. It was entitled: "The Rich Resonance of Small Talk: A Primer on The Fine, and Undervalued, Art of Chitchat" By Roxanne Roberts It listed the three golden rules of making small talk:
1. Shut up and listen.
2. When in doubt, repeat Rule 1.
3. People, even the really shy ones, like to talk about themselves and will do so if you know how to draw them out.

You have to be genuinely interested. You have to check your ego. If this is done right, they walk away thinking you're great. Which, I happen to agree with, but rarely follow. It's always harder than I think to not interject my own stories and advice into a conversation.

Index Cards... a pocketful of progress

2005-02-14T05:56:00.000-08:00

A while back, I started filling out an index card every day. I have tried everything to try to get myself to keep my goals in mind. (a few years ago, I started goal setting twice a year, once in Jan, and once after my birthday in June... but i'll write on that later). I've tried writing on paper and hanging it on the wall (never read it after the first week). I tried sectioning off a goal setting portion of my house (never spent much time in there). I tried writing on my mirrors, and windows (ignored it after a while). Then finally I tried the index cards... The act of writing it everyday really works for me. I pick a few topics, (right now its Personal Growth, Questions, and Vocab) and write whatever I want to think about related to those topics on the card. Its good for a few reasons. One, it is small, disposable, and I'm not worried about losing it. (I don't put my name on it. If someone finds one, maybe they'll get something out of it though). 2nd. Its the right size to fit in my pocket, and it makes me condense whatever I have to say. I figure if I can't fit it on the card, then its too much to think about for one day. I try to keep the "to do" type things down to a very minimum... but sometimes I'll include something. Also, its a handy place to write down any random thoughts I have during the day if I want to remember them. I keep all these cards in a box on my desk at home... and every so often I'll glance through them. I like seeing the trends in my thinking. I try to keep the things I write down in line with my year-long goals... And many times, I write down the same thing I wrote down the day before. For me, its not so much a new idea thing, but just continuity of thought. I want to be thinking about where I'm going everyday, not just once every 6 months. I also include a vocab word. Today's was munificent... meaning very generous or lavish. As a fairly educated person, I often wonder about increasing my vocab. I know its good for some reasons, but really, if in 16 years of school, I don't know the word, what are the odds that a random person I talk to is going to understand it off the top of their head? ... oh well, I'm pretty sure thats not a strong argument for staying word-stupid. What I really need is a country of the day. My geography is pathetic. And to think I want to be a world traveler. Oh. and I'm super excited to go home today because my parents sent me a package on Valentines day. How fantastic is that?

Notes on this blog

2005-02-12T12:26:00.000-08:00

This blog actually has a purpose. Actually, its quite deep. Its to figure out my purpose. Not in a huge grand way, but more in a self-exploratory way. You know those thoughts you sometimes have that seem life changing, but end up being fleeting? I want to record those. I feel like I come across them every so often, and I think that maybe if I share a few.... it could help me,... and who knows? Maybe someone else too.